I’ve cut off my best friend… because I fear her sexy new life as a divorcee will make my husband restless

Sometimes when a friendship ends, it’s mutual. You slowly drift apart, neither of you quite sure why.

But that’s not the case for me and my ‘best friend’ Lucy.

Instead, after 25 years, I made a conscious decision to cut her out of my life. I stopped making plans, stopped replying to her WhatsApp messages – in fact, I even stopped opening them, because the app immediately notified her that I had done so.

What made me do this? The end of her marriage. Once her divorce was finalized, my respectable girlfriend returned to the sexy, man-hungry party girl I had first met, so I deliberately distanced myself from her.

Now, two years after her breakup, we exchange pleasantries at most twice a year, whereas before we met every other week and exchanged messages, secrets and delicious gossip every day.

Although there are times when I am conflicted, overall it makes me feel better. The reason? Without her and her exciting new single lifestyle in the mix, my own life and marriage don’t feel so normal. . . or threatened.

I know this sounds cruel, but allow me to explain.

Lucy and I had been inseparable since we were allocated adjoining rooms in a student house on our first day at Manchester University; her bubbly confidence brought me out

of myself when I was homesick and restless. I was the reliable, sensible and down-to-earth one, while Lucy was outgoing and carefree.

After graduation, weekends away together followed for a number of years, drinking cocktails in Paris or Rome.

Despite her living in Guildford, Surrey, while I was in London, we remained closer than ever, and I thought our friendship would be unbreakable.

We were each other’s bridesmaids when we got married eight months apart ten years ago — she beat me up all the way to the altar. She was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant (after my husband) and she is godmother to my children, now seven and nine.

She doesn’t have children (by choice), but she understood that once I had mine, parties and trips abroad with her could no longer be at the top of my list.

Then in 2022, when we were in our early 40s, she called me to drop the bombshell that she had left her husband Jack. For a while she had made no secret of the fact that she longed for the carefree life she had had in her twenties and that her marriage had become mundane.

Feeling tied down – her words, not mine – she longed for pleasure and had decided to break away for good. Yet, tellingly, she never said again that she no longer loved her husband. In my opinion, she didn’t work hard enough on her marriage. It was much easier for her to throw in the towel and run away in search of a life that resembled the one we had when we were younger.

Still, that didn’t mean she wasn’t heartbroken after filing for divorce. And as her best friend, I happily provided endless emotional support, comforting her during late-night phone calls despite the feeling that she should have fought harder for her marriage. Secretly, I had much more sympathy for her poor ex.

In the meantime, my husband Marc was happy to lend a practical hand and help her move into her new home as she embarks on the next phase of her life.

That was the moment something changed for me.

When Lucy emerged from her initial gloom, she entered the swipe-right dating scene, meeting different men every week and begging me to join her for regular nights out or weekend spa days. Determined to support her, I agreed, even though it was hardly conducive to my settled family life with a busy teaching job and young children. I usually ended up drinking a glass of wine alone while she finished the room, ever the seductress with her beautiful looks.

She was suddenly living a lifestyle that I couldn’t relate to as a working mother who is happy and secure in a solid marriage.

While a small part of me may have been jealous of her freedom, I mostly thought she was a little lost.

But as I listened to her tell me about her dating escapades and exciting new social life, I worried that Marc would hear those stories—and take a closer look at me and our marriage, and conclude that we should both be more sociable and carefree, like Lucy.

Everyone finds Lucy attractive, but Marc would never have led me to believe that he found it in any way other than platonic. Still, I worried that he would suddenly be jealous of her social life, since ours was more or less non-existent.

I do have mom friends who I go out with occasionally for meals or quiet kitchen meals at each other’s houses, but it’s very staid. When Marc and I have time together, it is taken up with family life. We had both admitted that sometimes we feel like we have become boring.

And now Marc and I witnessed a – very convincing – alternative. I couldn’t help but worry that he would find her more exciting than me, even though I knew he would never stray—and possibly even wish there was more to our lives than family dinners and trips to the zoo.

So after a few weeks of her being in full divorce mode, I stopped mentioning her to Marc at all. I couldn’t take the chance that Marc would one day say that we should live the same way they did, and that we shouldn’t be bogged down by marriage and children.

Lucy’s new life also made me wonder if I should let myself go. While she went to the salon every week for expensive blow-dry treatments and glossy manicures, I was wrapped up in play dates, parties and soft play centres.

Maybe I had reached a bit of a plateau and didn’t want Marc to come to the same conclusion.

That’s why I started ignoring her messages or responding too late. When she bugged me to go with her to a spa or have a drink at a bar, I waited until the day before to tell her I couldn’t come. I also stopped her posting about the men she had dated or had sex with.

It didn’t occur to me that her bravado might stem from the fact that she might be feeling vulnerable.

Of course, I felt very bad that she would feel hurt because I was distancing myself after such a close friendship. After all, it’s one of the reasons I kept up her new lifestyle for so long, even though I had other priorities and was exhausted from working as a mother.

I felt guilty because I decided not to spend time with Lucy, but that wasn’t sustainable. Distance took away the pressure I felt to be more like her, as well as my anxiety about the impact of her seemingly exciting new life on Marc.

Still, I drew inspiration from Lucy’s transformation after the divorce. I now go to the beauty salon more regularly and occasionally swap my mother’s jeans and sneakers for sexier outfits.

Then one day last summer when I hadn’t seen Lucy

For months, after ignoring or delaying responding to countless messages and invitations to go out, she called to ask what was going on. “Our lives are just so different; I’m happy and settled and I can’t keep up with your single life,” I told her. “We’ve returned to the women we were when we were our first friends.”

And so there was no explosive ending. We both promised to stay in touch, knowing we would keep our distance as long as she is single and our lives don’t align. We haven’t had much contact in months.

So as you can see, without being confrontational or unpleasant, I managed to keep us growing apart. Sadly, I feel much happier without Lucy in my life – a sentence I once never imagined would leave my lips.

Names have been changed. As told to Sadie Nicholas.