How much should we charge our 15-year-old daughter’s best friend’s family for taking her on holiday with us? Money psychotherapist VICKY REYNAL reveals the best approach

This summer we are taking our 15-year-old daughter’s best friend on holiday. How much should we charge her family? The holiday costs £400 but my husband says we should take her for free.

Money psychotherapist Vicky Reynal answers: The first thing I want to invite you is to get in touch with the reasons Why you have decided to take this friend on holiday: is it because it will make your daughter happy?

Could it also be to keep her busy and give you and your partner some free time? If that’s the case, all those benefits have a value. It may be hard to quantify, but it’s good to get in touch with the fact that not only is this an act of generosity, but you can also gain something from it.

That said, there are real costs to being a plus-one when traveling, and paying more than you can afford or feel comfortable with can leave you feeling resentful as a host and can cause financial strain .

I think what makes this situation particularly difficult is the timing: you’ve already agreed to take them on vacation. Both you and the other family (and the children) now have expectations and you haven’t given the other family a chance to factor money into their decision-making process.

If you want to take a friend on vacation in the future, but money is a limiting factor, I would suggest talking openly about money in the first conversation.

Asking for money now can feel unfair. It can also lead to a series of uncomfortable outcomes, such as them reluctantly giving you money, or them potentially changing their mind about their daughter joining. We all have different sensitivities and preferences when it comes to the dynamics of giving and receiving.

Some people may feel more comfortable being taken advantage of and focused on ensuring that such agreements are fair, other people may be more comfortable (or even expect) a relationship dynamic where they give more than they receive.

This means that it’s normal for you and your husband to have different opinions on this, but it also means that your friends may have different opinions than yours. Their reaction is therefore difficult to predict: would they have offered it anyway or will they still do so? be shocked or annoyed by your request?

So where things stand now, you should consider the following:

If you are able to cover the costs and control your feelings about it, then I probably wouldn’t bring up money at this stage: you would risk souring this important relationship. There is still a chance that the parents will offer some pocket money or even more than that to cover some of the costs, but of course you cannot count on this to happen.

If the idea of ​​covering the costs makes you feel angry or resentful that your parents expect you to pay for their daughter completely, and you have trouble dealing with these feelings, then the relationship is already broken, compromised, in a sense. That’s when the risk of saying something might be worth taking.

In this case, I would approach the parents and acknowledge that it would have been better for you to have brought up the subject of money earlier. Explain that you hoped they could cover some of the costs associated with their daughter’s participation on the trip.

If this upsets them, you can acknowledge that they may not have expected this and that a compromise may need to be reached. You can all learn from this experience – discuss what could be better for next time – and stay on good terms. Relationships can Surviving conflict: it’s all about how you deal with it.

Do you have a question for Vicky? Email Vicky.Reynal@dailymail.co.uk. Vicky’s book, Money On Your Mind – the psychology behind your financial habits, £16.99 is available now.