SAUCY SECRETS: I caught my partner pleasuring herself… but she won’t sleep with me. How do I get our sex life back on track?

Dear Jana,

My girlfriend never initiates sex with me and always pushes me away when I try. But I recently caught her pleasuring herself, so she clearly hasn’t lost her sex drive. How do I get our relationship back on track?

Dear Unintentionally Celibate,

My question to you is: what do they do to make her want to have sex with you? Do you brush your teeth, shower before going to bed, help her around the house? It’s one thing to want sex, but it’s another to be worth it.

Serious. I have so many girlfriends who complain that they come home from a long day at work and their husband is sitting in front of the TV in his dirty work clothes waiting for them to prepare dinner. They fart constantly. Scratching their balls. And, dare I say it, let themselves go. And yet they expect women to treat them like love gods.

Simply put: minimal effort = minimal sex.

If you want your partner to take off your clothes, try outside the bedroom. Compliment her, help around the house, take a shower before going to bed, surprise her with minty fresh breath. It’s the little things that make a big difference. Not just a breast squeeze and a grunt of ‘do you want?’ No. We don’t do that.

Dear Jana,

I have started to develop feelings for a colleague who is senior in age and position at my company. Is it wrong to act on my feelings? For example, will I be dragged to HR if I tell him how I feel?

Dear Sarah,

Let’s face it: the only real reason we go to work is so we can shamelessly flirt with coworkers. Sure, working from home is great for a lazy pajama day, but isn’t it fun to share some sassy banter with the office hottie? Lord, it sure makes those spreadsheets a little less boring. But with HR laws being so strict these days, it really is a gamble.

Technically, dating a coworker isn’t illegal, but you should make sure your “first move” doesn’t border on sexual harassment.

Before making a move, I recommend testing the waters first. Try to find out a little more about his life outside of work. Is he 100 percent single? Do your conversations touch on topics outside of work? Does his body language suggest that he is physically attracted to you? I would want to be 100 percent sure he was excited before I made a move. In fact, I would wait for him to make the first move.

You also have to take the pitfalls into account. If you start dating and it all goes wrong, do you risk losing your job? Does this affect the balance of power?

I once secretly dated a boss, and everyone knew it at one particular meeting when he said no to my idea and I fought back. I told him point blank that he was wrong and that we would go ahead with my proposal. Normally I would never have the balls to answer a boss so directly, but outside of work there was no hierarchy… and I forgot for a moment that he makes the final decision on the work floor. That’s actually quite warm, now that I think about it.

So, before you put yourself on a test that could be detrimental to your career, make sure he definitely likes you. Oh, and not married. That’s a whole different topic!

Dear Jana,

I want to ask my wife for a threesome for my birthday, but I’m afraid she’ll say no. How can I ask her without feeling ashamed?

Dear Tony,

Now listen carefully, for there is a very delicate art in such a proposal. In fact, grab a pen and paper because you’ll want to take notes.

First of all, you don’t want her to come off as too thirsty, and you don’t want her to feel like she’s not enough. So approach it in a way that is both comforting and calm.

I’d plan a romantic dinner, maybe open a bottle of wine, and compliment her first. Like ‘you look really beautiful tonight’. Then ask her what she thinks about your love life, and if there’s anything you can do to make it more fun. Important tip here Tony: really listen to what she has to say! Don’t just rush into the threesome chat.

Jana Hocking shares advice on what to do if you want to get your sex life back on track

Then ask her if she would be interested in spicing it up and trying something new. If she asks you to make an example of her, don’t just shout “THREESOME!” Suggest a few things, but maybe point out that a threesome has always been on your bucket list.

Again, take it back to her. For example, say something like, “I think it would be really nice to see you admired by another woman.” (Or man, no judgment here.) That way she feels included and the star of the show.

Don’t ask her to answer right away, but to think about it for a moment. She’ll probably be shocked at first, but you might be surprised to see how the idea grows on her.

However, if the answer is no, don’t force it. Maybe just download some really good porn.

Good luck!