Cindy Crawford reveals she struggled with survivor guilt after her brother Jeffrey died of leukemia at three as she reflects on her family’s grief

Cindy Crawford says she and her two sisters suffered from severe survivor’s guilt after the death of their brother Jeffrey from leukemia at age three in 1975.

The supermodel, 58, got candid about the family tragedy with Kelly Corrigan and Christy Turlington Burns on the podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders: About Your Mother Saturday.

Crawford said she felt her parents John Crawford and Jennifer Sue Crawford-Moluf had hoped to welcome a boy after having three daughters.

“I’m not sure they wanted four kids for sure, but they wanted a boy,” the runway icon said on the podcast. “My father wanted a boy, so the fourth was the boy.”

The Illinois resident said “it was so weird for years” as she and her sisters dealt with the fallout from the family tragedy.

Crawford was pictured with her late younger brother, who tragically died at the age of three

“I think there was a lot of guilt,” Crawford said. “There’s a sense of guilt among the other kids, especially because we knew my dad really wanted a boy, and we felt like it should have been one of us.”

Crawford said that despite her life experience, she feels that American culture lacks dialogue about death and grief.

“In our culture, we don’t talk about death, and we don’t talk about what you say to someone when they lose someone,” Crawford said.

She added: ‘A lot of people just ignore it, or they don’t want to bring it up because they don’t want to upset the person. And for me at least, I don’t feel like this invites an opportunity to cry, laugh, share or whatever.”

Crawford said she has come to realize in recent years that she did not receive the support that would have helped her emotionally through the tragic time.

“The other day I was doing some coaching through COVID, I actually had time to do some real work,” Crawford said. “And I realized that one of the questions the coach asked me was something like, ‘What did you need to hear at that moment that you didn’t hear?’

“And I realized — and my mother wouldn’t have known she should have said this, she was 26 years old and had just lost a child — but I needed to hear, ‘Yes, we’re so sad that Jeff died, but we’re so glad you’re here.”

Crawford spoke on the podcast about the difficult days following her brother’s death.

The Illinois resident said ‘it was so weird for years’ as she and her sisters dealt with the fallout from the family tragedy

Crawford was pictured in a May 2021 Instagram post alongside her mother Jennifer Crawford and sisters Chris and Danielle

Crawford was spotted alongside her mother and sisters earlier this year

‘I remember when I went back to school after my brother died, no one said anything to me, no joke, except one kid who said, ‘I saw in the paper that your brother is dead – is that true?’ she said. “I thought, ‘Wow.’ It was so in your face, but he didn’t know what to say. We were in third grade.”

She said it’s important to “give our children an example, the skills to not be afraid,” which can open the door to meaningful dialogue.

Crawford, mother of 22-year-old daughter Kaia and 24-year-old son Presley with husband Rande Gerber, 62, said she has tried to show extra awareness and sensitivity to the subject when it comes to her children.

Crawford said, “My kids have both unfortunately lost friends to car accidents and fentanyl and all the crazy things that these young kids are going through now.

“They always say, ‘What do we say?’ And I try to give them words.’

Crawford previously opened up about the family tragedy in a 2015 appearance Oprah’s Masterclass.

“I don’t think I knew at the age of 10 that it was terminal, and I hadn’t had any close experience with death and didn’t understand death,” she said. ‘My brother knew.

‘At some point I’m sure, because my mother said she found him in his room. And he was sitting at his table and she said, “What are you doing?” And he said, “I pray.” And she said, “What are you praying for?” He said, “So that you will be well when I die.” As a mother now, I can’t imagine hearing your child say that.’