Does being good looking mean better sex? Tracey Cox reveals the truth about how looks impact your love life – as beautiful people claim it can be a real burden

By James On Apr 17, 2024

When it comes to sex, beauty is often central.

We all tend to assume that the more beautiful you look, the more sex is offered and the more often you have it.

But is the myth – that beauty equals sexual satisfaction – true? I looked at research and anecdotal evidence to find out.

British relationship and sex expert Tracey Cox says beautiful people have more sex partners (stock photo)

Beautiful people have more sex partners

That much is true. American social psychologist Justin Lehmiller reviewed scientific research to find out whether attractive people have more sexual partners and found three different studies that came to the same conclusion: yes.

DOES being handsome make you lazy in bed?

There is no specific scientific research that conclusively proves that super attractive people are lazy during sex. But there is plenty of anecdotal evidence.

‘I’ve never had worse sex. She made me feel like just lying in my bed should be enough. Not once has she used her hand or mouth to give me pleasure.’

‘He looked at himself in the mirror and was clearly very impressed with what he saw. Sex with me had more to do with showing off the results of all that training than connecting with me.”

“There was a lot of ‘let’s both admire how great I look’ and a real shortage of ‘let’s both explore how to give each other pleasure’.”

That’s just a small portion of the negative responses people sent when I asked about their experiences sleeping with a beauty.

Some of this can be attributed to the ‘halo effect’: a cognitive bias in which our perception of a person’s attractiveness influences our judgments of his or her other qualities.

For some, this is positive: they are attractive and therefore must also be intelligent and socially skilled. Others adopt negative traits: they are lazy or entitled. The stereotypical beauty is often portrayed as self-centered, vain, and less committed in relationships.

This may be true in some cases. But not all beautiful people are superficial – and not all are duds, either.

Very good-looking people sleep with more people, probably because they have more opportunities than the rest of us.

The downside of this for their partners is that they may take sex for granted and be less grateful when they get it. Knowing that there will be ten others lining up to take their place reduces your investment in making sure your current meeting goes well.

There is no evidence that beauty increases sexual satisfaction

Several studies have examined the link between physical attractiveness and sexual satisfaction.

No connection was found between beauty and satisfaction: factors such as communication, emotional connection and sexual compatibility were what mattered.

Another showed that the crucial ingredient is how beautiful WE think we look, not how others see us. Our own perception of our attractiveness is more important to sexual satisfaction than our actual physical beauty.

Looking good also doesn’t make you want to have sex more. Our “resting libido” – the amount of sex we want in a relationship over a year or so – is largely determined by genetics, not appearance.

Being compatible in bed is more important than looking good

What we like to do and what is done to us sexually plays a much more crucial role than the appearance of how happy you are in bed. If you’re an adventurous lover who loves outdoor sex, it doesn’t matter how beautiful someone is if he/she only wants to have sex-in-the-dark-and-alone-in-bed sessions.

One study found that while appearance influences initial attraction, it has minimal impact on long-term relationship satisfaction or sexual compatibility.

Beauty can bring people together, but it does not guarantee satisfying sex.

Being desired increases sexual self-esteem

If you know that you are more attractive than the average person, it means that you are probably more confident about your body. And this puts you one big step ahead of the rest when it comes to enjoying yourself with a loved one.

A landmark 2012 review of 57 studies spanning two decades of research found significant links between body image and virtually every factor related to sex: arousal, desire, orgasm, frequency of sex and sexual self-esteem.

Another recent study found that the feeling of desire is the number one thing that turns women on. Researchers surveyed 662 heterosexual women in a relationship to discover factors that made them more likely to desire their partner. Being perceived as attractive and desirable by their partner was the most important factor in determining desire.

Tracey (pictured) said: ‘Very good-looking people sleep with more people, probably because they have more opportunities than the rest of us’

Even average people can be confident

But just because you look sexy doesn’t mean you feel sexy. Feeling desirable is an attitude, not a look. Many people with perfect bodies are concerned with perceived imperfections.

I AM BEAUTIFUL AND IT MAKES SEX HARDER, NOT EASIER

Kia, 26, is an underwear model

‘I’m pretty sure I get asked out mainly just because I have a good body. It’s not a nice feeling. I’ve had guys ask me to walk around naked while they sit there looking at and touching themselves. I’m a person, not a sex toy! I get endless compliments about my breasts, my legs, my ass, but my boyfriend of two years is the first to see me. He told me he loved the way I smelled and how our bodies fit together. No wonder I chose him.’

Jamie, 22, is a model and footballer

‘It’s ridiculous to think that appearance doesn’t matter. There’s no way I would attract women the way I do if I was short, skinny and ugly. That’s a fact of life, but it doesn’t make me vain. There’s pressure on good-looking people when you sleep with someone for the first time. I’m convinced I’m naked, but I’m afraid my penis doesn’t look big enough compared to my body. I’m also not sure if I can last long enough. All my friends think I have it all together because women like me. But it’s only when I meet a girl that my fear of failure becomes manageable. I may look confident, but I’m just as insecure about sex as the next guy.’

Trust is what really matters – and that doesn’t just apply to the beautiful. People of all shapes, sizes and appearances can be confident and confident.

Good-looking people can be more anxious

Those blessed with beauty are often acutely aware that their most prized asset – their appearance – will one day fade.

An exceptionally beautiful person is often complimented solely on their appearance: few get past them to see what else they have to offer. Mr. or Mrs. Average is much more likely to be told that they are funny, smart, or nice.

Appearance is affected by health, weight, time, money, fitness – a whole host of things, not all of which are within our control. Personality traits change less quickly over time.

They are less likely to come off sexually

If your attraction depends mainly on your appearance, you are often more inhibited in bed. Good sex means being in the moment, closing your eyes and focusing on what you feel, not what you look like.

If you’re not willing to try that new position because it won’t make you look perfect, or because you’re afraid you’ll sweat or ruin your hair or makeup, neither of you will enjoy it. enjoy.

The best sex is about chemistry and connection

That’s the conclusion of most of the research—and of me, after decades of researching and writing about sex.

Neither of these have anything to do with how each of you scores on the attractiveness scale.

Kissing someone’s lips and feeling like you’ve met that person. Being mesmerized by someone’s body because it is theirs. Wanting to have fun, being willing to explore and make compromises. Lying next to each other for hours and wishing you could stay there forever.

Beauty may be eye-catching, but appearance plays a surprisingly small role in sexual happiness and satisfaction.

Would you like more information about sex and relationships? Visit traceycox.com for her blog, podcast details, books and product ranges.