DEAR JANE: My mother is FURIOUS with me for refusing to name my son after my late father – how do I tell her I hate his old-fashioned moniker?

Dear Jane,

I am currently pregnant with my first child – a baby boy – and I am so incredibly excited!

I’ve always wanted to be a mother and have been coming up with names for my own children since childhood (yes, I’m that kind of person!).

When I found out I was expecting a boy, my husband discussed all of our preferred names and came up with our perfect choice pretty quickly. We haven’t really shared it with anyone because we don’t want any judgment or opinion to influence our choice when we are both so happy with it.

But my mother relentlessly pressured me to share it with her, so finally, thinking it would be a special moment for her to enjoy as a first-time grandmother, I told her.

To my surprise, she looked furious as soon as the name left my lips. When I asked what her problem was, she told me she was incredibly hurt and insulted that I wouldn’t give my son his late grandfather’s name.

I told her we planned to use both my father’s and my father-in-law’s names for our son’s middle names, but she said that wasn’t good enough. That I tarnished my father’s memory by ‘downgrading’ his name to a middle name.

My mother is still deeply grieving the loss of my father, so I understand, at least partially, where she’s coming from. And I know that in this moment she is acting out of emotion and not logic or compassion.

When I told my husband, the world’s biggest con artist, about my conversation with her, he immediately agreed to change our son’s name – but I don’t want that.

I love my dad and I honor his memory every day as best I can, but he had a very outdated name and I just couldn’t do that to my child!

International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane agony aunt

Calling him Ambrose after my father seems…well…mean?

I know what kids are like, and I know they tease others about every little thing possible, and to give my son such an outdated name just feels like he’s being tormented.

Personally, I don’t think my father cared whether my son had his name or not, but I don’t want this to hurt my mother or damage my relationship with her.

Is there any way I can reach a middle ground?

By,

Nickname Mayhem

Dear name Mayhem,

This is your baby, not your mother’s, and while she absolutely has the right to express her opinion, naming this baby is not something she gets to decide, no matter how unhappy she may be about it.

You’ve already presented the middle ground, which is perfectly reasonable.

Most people do exactly what you did: give their child the middle name of a beloved family member, living or dead.

Your mother’s anger has nothing to do with you. Also, you should not feel guilty or manipulated into changing your decision. For her to ask that of you is unreasonable and unfair.

All you can do is stick to your guns. Calmly and kindly tell your mother that you and your partner have chosen the name, that you are sorry that she is not happy, but that this is the end of the discussion.

Give her the time and space to get over it, and know that you are doing the right thing, and that you don’t have to change your decision to make someone else happy.