My 22-year-old has dementia: My mother’s pain as a cruel, memory-robbing disease means her son now has the ‘brain of a 70-year-old’ – and he can no longer ‘remember how to shower himself’ and would forget why he’ ‘would go to the shops’
A mother has told of her 22-year-old son’s painful battle with dementia, which means she has to care for him full-time.
Andre Yarham, from Norwich, was diagnosed with early-onset dementia after his family noticed he was speaking and moving slowly.
Doctors compared his brain to that of a 70-year-old.
His mother Sam Fairbairn, 47, said he started giving only three-word answers to questions and had a blank look on his face when spoken to.
Andre now relies on his mother as a 24-hour caregiver, helping him with washing, preparing food and drinks, and picking out his clothes.
Mother Sam Fairbairn, 47, told Andre Yarham, 22, answers to family members’ questions became three-word answers and he had a blank look on his face when spoken to
An avid wrestling fan, Andre grew up playing rugby and football at school. He enjoyed playing Xbox games such as FIFA and Call of Duty with his friends. He also had a job at Lotus Cars, a luxury car manufacturer in Norwich, where he replaced car headliners – the material in the ceiling of the vehicles
It is thought that around 50,000 people in England suffer from early-onset dementia, with the signs of dementia starting before the age of 65.
Yet less than two-thirds of cases have been diagnosed, suggesting tens of thousands of people are unaware they suffer from the memory-robbing disease.
Mrs Fairbairn said it was a ‘devastating blow’ to hear her son had dementia and said it had been very hard on the family.
She said: ‘I choose Andre’s clothes, I help him bathe because he no longer knows what to do in the shower and what to do in the shower and how to prepare his food and drinks.
‘Normally he would go to the store in the morning to buy himself a Monster, but now when he went, he forgot why he was there.
“We’re not even sure he understands what’s happening; it’s so hard to say how he feels right now.’
Mrs Fairbairn had to give up her job as a bus driver to become her son’s full-time carer.
She said: ‘When people talk about early-onset dementia, people automatically think of someone under 40, but it can affect anyone at any age.
“We’ve talked to him about everything that’s going on, especially with the hospital appointments,” she added.
‘We don’t actually know whether he can understand and process it.
‘He doesn’t give us anything.
‘It was a terrible blow to hear that your 22-year-old son is suffering from dementia.’
An avid wrestling fan, Mr Yarham grew up playing rugby and football at school. He enjoyed playing Xbox games such as FIFA and Call of Duty with his friends.
He also had a job at Lotus Cars, a luxury car manufacturer in Norwich, where he replaced car headliners, the material in the ceiling of the vehicles.
But all his prospects changed when he started having trouble getting through a workday.
He left his job after just six months, with his mother explaining that he was struggling to get through the day, but she didn’t feel like she could tell them what was going on.
It was around this time, in November 2022, that Ms Fairbairn noticed his speech starting to slow down.
She said: ‘He was always talkative, even as a child, and I always told him to shut up.
“But it got to the point where you’d ask him a question and only get a three- or four-word answer.
“He moved very slowly and if you asked him something and all you got was a look on his face, he would walk away as if you hadn’t asked him a question.
The news of Andre’s (pictured right) onset of dementia has been ‘very tough’ for Sam (pictured centre), her husband Alastair, 60 (pictured left) and youngest son Tyler, 21 (pictured right)
Although there is no cure for dementia, the family are now pinning their hopes on medical tests and have drawn up a bucket list for Andre to complete.
“Now I think he could probably turn on his Xbox, but after that he would have no idea what to do next.”
Having previously worked with adults with learning disabilities, Mrs Fairbairn noticed features of autism in her son and decided to have him tested.
“He scored high on the autism test, but the waiting list was five to seven years, so a family member paid for us to go privately,” she said.
“While all this was happening, I just knew something was still wrong.”
Mr Yarham was sent for an MRI in October 2023, but the scans revealed an additional diagnosis of autism.
He had atrophy of the frontal lobe, which causes the part of the brain to shrink.
It usually occurs in older people.
Mrs Fairbairn, who said her son had been diagnosed with early-onset dementia, added: ‘The consultant said it was like looking at the brain of a 70-year-old.’
Early dementia can cause problems with behavior and language, and people with dementia at a young age are more likely to have problems with movement, walking, coordination or balance than memory loss in the early stages, according to the Alzheimer’s Society.
Mr Yarham underwent a wood puncture, a type of test where cerebrospinal fluid is taken from the spine for diagnostic testing, and was referred to Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge, where they are testing to determine the cause of his dementia.
Mrs Fairbairn, married to 60-year-old Alastair, said the diagnosis had been ‘very difficult’ for the family to cope with. Mr Yarham has a younger brother, Tyler (21).
Even though there is no cure for dementia, the family are now pinning their hopes on medical trials and have drawn up a bucket list for Mr Yarham to complete.
Ms Fairbairn said: ‘While they may not work for Andre, any research from them could help someone else in the future and we will accept that.
‘There is a very small chance that Andre will get better, but the doctors have told us that we can expect a shorter life expectancy.
‘They haven’t said what that life expectancy is, so we want to make the best of that.’
Mr Yarham now enjoys going out with his mother in their Volkswagen Polo and watching wrestling or Peaky Blinders.
His bucket list has raised more than £500 of his £1,000 target GoFundMe and hopefully including trips to Shrek’s Adventure in London and the Harry Potter Studio Tour.