Here are the signs that your male friend is secretly in love with you

The runaway success of the Netflix series One Day, which tells the story of long-term friendship turned love, has sparked a fascination with understanding the complex chemistry that drives the transition from camaraderie to sexual attraction.

Whether it’s the friend you’ve known since college, a former coworker you’ve kept in touch with, your ex-partner’s best friend, or even your “work husband,” any perfectly platonic friendship can become supercharged with sexual tension. , unlocking an attraction that may have lain dormant for years.

People of all ages and at all stages of life can suddenly find themselves the object of a secret crush. As a psychotherapist and relationship therapist, I am often asked: ‘How do I know if he likes me?’

The truth is, we don’t always know, and part of the thrill is looking for clues.

What is not a good barometer is a flirtatious manner. Flirting is often little more than playing a game, allowing one or both of you to push the boundaries, safe in the knowledge that a relationship will never happen between you.

And don’t be tempted by physical contact. A lingering touch may be a sign that he’s looking for something more, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s in love with you. In fact, true infatuation is more likely to be accompanied by social paralysis – a kind of terror that makes it much more difficult for someone to consciously demonstrate their new-found devotion.

So Are the signs? Here are some important but subtle clues to look out for.

One warning: if you see them, I suggest you don’t dive in too quickly. Take a moment to step back and think about your own desires. This man may be a good friend, you may have known him for years, but are you attracted to him? Do you care about him a lot? Do you want to be with him?

After considering all that, read on to find out if he fell head over heels. . .

1. His feet are facing you

If you are standing together in a group, check his feet: are they pointing straight toward you? According to body language experts, this is a clear sign that he is interested in you and attracted to you, even if he doesn’t know he is doing it.

2. He mirrors you

Place one hand on your neck, cross your legs and uncross them, place one hand on your hip. . . if he’s mirroring your gestures, chances are he’s so intensely focused on you (in a good way) that he doesn’t even know he’s subconsciously mimicking your movements.

3. He stares at you

Walk into a crowded room and look around: is someone staring at you? If a guy who was previously in the “platonic” camp has his eyes on you, it could be a sign that he or she is particularly interested, even though they may not realize it.

4. He is distant

Conversely, if your male friend has become strangely distant and awkward and there is a sense of distance and disconnection that wasn’t apparent before, this could be a sign that he has crossed the line into friendship in his mind.

If you are unusually nervous and self-conscious around you, it could mean that something is going on. Avoiding eye contact can be a self-protective measure when feelings become overwhelming; he may be terrified of being exposed and possibly rejected.

5. He reminisces

If he begins to willingly recall moments from the past, but with surprising details, it shows that he has really noticed you, that he thinks about you a lot and has kept those memories alive over the years. This is even more of a “telling” if the memories are accompanied by loving teasing (“remember when…?”)

6. He blushes

Turning red in the face in your presence is a classic giveaway, indicating shame and strong feelings – and we have no control over it.

7. His husband is watery

Sometimes the partner can notice signs of attraction before the man realizes what he is thinking or doing, so watch for a change in behavior. She may become unfriendly or suspicious of you, or she may become short-tempered and ingratiating as a way to calm down what she perceives as a threat to her relationship.

For her, it may be a matter of keeping your friends close, but your ‘enemies’ closer.

8. He apologizes

If he apologizes for doing or saying something that may have happened in the distant past (perhaps by making fun of you or teasing you), this could be a sign that he has started to think differently about you.

We all mature over time, and he may see you in a new light and reflect on past actions. An apology shows that you are important to him in a new and possibly different way.

As told to Louise Atkinson.