Is it wrong to tell my dogs I love them all the time – but I almost never say it to my boyfriend?
This Valentine’s Day, I will defrost my loved one’s favorite meal, chicken and green tripe, and stuff a couple of rabbits’ ears into a buffalo horn for them to wrestle with, and then I’ll go out to dinner without them.
There will be no rose petals and champagne and certainly no cheap, itchy, red and black lace lingerie that you have to constantly pull out of your derriere. Those days are over. I am now 54. Romantic love is saved for my dogs. I have a boyfriend, but we are not a romantic couple. However, we both love our two dogs very much.
Am I weird and emotionally flawed? If so, I’m not alone. Last week, a survey from pet-sitting company Rover was released that counted the ways we show love to our pets and how we think they return it.
It’s not a large survey, just 1,000 dog owners aged 18 to 65 in Britain. But I found this little glimpse into the lives of other dog owners a bit of a relief. It showed that four in ten owners say ‘I love you’ more often to their dog than to their human partner. I was reeling too. Who are the eerie majority of 60 percent who reveal their love to their partners, husbands, wives and lovers more often than to their sweet dogs? Are they soft-headed?
Kate Spicer in good canine company with one of her two rescued Spanish hunting dogs
My dogs are always there, with me, and, I am not at all sorry to say this, the recipients of my daily, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute affection, says Kate Spicer
In my household of two adult humans and two rescued Spanish Foxhounds, almost all loving words uttered by humans are directed toward a species other than their own. Sometimes my boyfriend and I will convey our feelings to each other, but I can guarantee it won’t have the warmth, spontaneity, or sincerity of those regular sweet nothings and tender kisses that land on our two dogs.
When one of my best friends, Nick, died a few years ago, my boyfriend said something like, “Oh, that’s sad,” and then went to bed. So I sat in my study with the dog and cried. Dogs are so good. They can’t lend you a tenner if you’re skinny. But they are there.
Among the popular ways to convey affection to our dogs, according to the survey, 44 percent say it is “physical touch,” such as belly rubs (79 percent), cuddling (75 percent), spooning in bed (13 percent) and even kiss them on the lips (11 percent).
I felt pretty good about the last statistic, because I don’t do this. I spend enough time with them to know what they eat and how they keep their bottoms clean.
My dogs are with me all the time, and I am not at all sorry to say this, the recipients of my daily, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute affection. Of course I always tell them I love them.
When I’m chopping onions in the kitchen, there’s something about the way they both lie there watching over me, staring, trusting, familiar, beautiful and perfect (and waiting for a tasty morsel), I have to break away from my dreary domestic duty to kiss the tops of their heads and tell them that they are beautiful, good girls and that I love them.
And then possibly follow up with: ‘Yes, I love you so much.’
We are training and they surprise me by doing something well, I don’t just give them a treat. Oh no, I shower them with praise, says Kate
We are training and they surprise me by doing something well, I don’t just give them a treat. Oh no, I shower them with praise, tell them I’m proud of them and that I love them because they are so good. I sometimes wonder if I should try that with the man too?
I assumed that as an infertile spinster, perhaps I was filling a void in my life with dogs, like the cruel caricature of the lonely cat lady. When I wrote a book a few years ago about the love story of my first dog, a rescue worker named Wolfy who died two years ago, the boldest trolling I got was: “You’re going to die alone in a pool.” of your own p*** in a miserable old people’s home.’
The implication was that not having children and keeping a dog instead meant a miserable old age. Ouch, that hurt. The fact that the thought still haunts my memory indicates that I think it may be unwise to invest so much love in my dogs.
I can tolerate a life without another human being in my home universe. Quite a few of my menopausal friends have sworn off ever getting married again, and a few of them describe themselves as ‘Post Men’ – nothing to do with estrogen or the lack thereof, no, it means they just look damn be done with it. the gender that leaves the toilet seat up. I know some widows and no doubt some gay ones.
I haven’t reached that point yet, but every now and then I think about those old myths that live at the edge of the woods and think, if I could trade the black cat for a dirty mutt, I’d be ready for that.
I’m not a fool. My dogs are not cuddly cuddly toys or babies. They are animals. Therefore, they must be treated correctly. What’s the point of telling your dog you love him if you’re not giving him what he really needs? These include walks, play, training, mud, good food, company, a safe quiet place to rest and their dog-worthiness (no crazy outfits!).
I think dogs love us and they tell us that by howling with joy when we come through the door. They come into our beds and snuggle close to our sleeping bodies. Although that might be a sign of less love and more of the central heating failing.