Psychologist reveals the REAL reason you keep falling for narcissists – and how you can finally break the cycle

A psychologist has revealed the real reason why you keep falling for narcissists and how to avoid self-centered partners.

Dr. Ramani Durvasulabased in Los Angeles, is a clinical psychologist and author of the “transformative guide” titled It’s Not You, out February 20, who regularly provides advice on emotional abuse.

Having previously shared her top tips for spotting a narcissist, the 59-year-old has now explained how to avoid them altogether by becoming resistant to gaslighting and understanding the signals your body is giving you.

In an excerpt shared with DailyMail.com, Dr. Ramani reveals the most important things you can do to stop attracting self-obsessed people.

In the book, Dr. Ramani the various tools that will help you ‘close the gate’ on both current and future narcissists in your life.

She explained that the first step is to “own your own truth and reality” — adding that staying consistent with your standards and what you refuse to tolerate will be a “gaslight repellent.”

Gaslighting is defined as the process of manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, 59, is a clinical psychologist and author of the ‘transformative guide’ titled It’s Not You

Dr. Ramani explained, “The best way to turn off the gaslights is to avoid them in the first place by owning your reality, recognizing it as reality, and not sacrificing your experience and perception, even as you acknowledge that someone can have that. a different experience than you.’

She added, “Resisting gaslighting early in a new relationship can cause the other person to become frustrated and move on to a target they can more easily dominate.”

The psychologist revealed that you need ‘gaslight-free zones’, which help you clear your head.

She said that if you’re being trolled, instead of apologizing, just say, “That’s how I feel,” and then back off.

Soon the narcissist will move on to another target that he can more easily control.

The psychologist – who previously wrote Don’t You Know Who I Am – revealed you need ‘gaslight-free zones’ to help you clear your head

She also suggested that keeping a gaslighting diary can help you feel less crazy — using it to write down both major and minor instances of gaslighting and who it occurs to.

Then Dr. Ramani recommends that you ‘stop falling for charisma and charm’ and ‘stop getting lost in superficialities such as intelligence, education, appearance, wealth and success.’

In her ‘transformative guide’ she explained that you need to start listening to the voice in your head: your inner critic.

She explained: ‘Your inner critic may be playing an endless loop of thoughts – you’re lazy, no one likes you, you’re worthless, stop trying to be more than you are, just give up – but it would be a mistake to just write it off as a bug in your brain.

In her ‘transformative guide’ she explained that you need to start listening to the voice in your head: your inner critic

“Think of your inner critic as a part of yourself that may be trying to protect you from failure or being hurt.”

The psychologist noted that while it may feel like an “inner tormentor” at first, it is actually “trying to get ahead of the narcissistic voices in your life.”

Once you understand that your inner critic is just trying to protect you, you can put the demeaning thoughts out of your mind.

When you meet someone for the first time, you should also pay attention to how they interact with other people, how they behave under the influence of stress and disappointment.

It is important not to justify their behavior, which you view as warning signs, and instead detach yourself from it completely.

Dr. Ramani noted that you shouldn’t give people multiple second chances – adding that this allows them to continually reveal their narcissistic tendencies to you – without fear of you leaving.

Instead, you should also surround yourself with several ‘healthy’ people.

She added, “Cultivate a healthier social network. If you have enough healthy people in your life, you have one of the ultimate narcissistic antidotes.”

Finally, the psychologist explained that you need to start focusing on which paths help you – and not just the paths that are most popular.

She explained, “You have to be comfortable with taking the less popular path. Know that if you are resistant to narcissists, you may be called out for being judgmental, demanding, or even difficult.”

Dr. Ramani has previously shared her tops for spotting narcissists.

She explained that a person is most likely self-obsessed if every conversation is about him or her, has a low threshold for frustration, is irritable when receiving feedback, shifts blame, lacks self-awareness, and lacks the ability to self-reflect.