DR MAX PEMBERTON: As Posh is finding out, it’s hard when you’re no longer son’s No.1

Families can be a source of joy, support, and comfort. But boy, can they also be a source of grief. There are competing characters and personalities that sometimes rub or collide with each other in the wrong direction.

Part of the problem stems from the fact that, while we may think of families as stable constants, they are in fact in motion. New people – girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, children – enter and leave the family, which means that they have to adapt and change, and this in itself causes conflict because people’s roles within the family framework change.

It can all seem quite baffling at times. I thought about this when I read about the alleged difficulties in Beckham’s household after Victoria and David’s eldest son, Brooklyn, married Nicola Peltz in a glitzy ceremony in April.

Since then, rumors have circulated of a rift between Victoria and Nicola, which is said to have started when the bride wore a Valentino Haute Couture dress on her wedding day instead of one made by her future mother-in-law. In a recent interview with Grazia magazine in the US, Nicola spoke out, saying, “Well, I planned on wearing Victoria’s wedding dress, and I was really so excited to be able to wear a design my future mother-in-law made.

“We hooked up to design the dress and then a few days went by and I didn’t hear anything. Victoria called my mom and said her studio couldn’t make it. That’s really what happened.’

Fuel has been poured into the fire over an argument and more speculation: that Victoria may have tweaked the newlywed couple’s first dance song for her own mother-son dance; that the Beckhams may have refused to pay for their son’s US green card so that Nicola’s father had to intervene; and that Victoria may not have informed Nicola and Brooklyn about her Paris Fashion Week show.

There are rumors of a rift between Victoria and Nicola, which is said to have started when the bride wore a Valentino Haute Couture dress on her wedding day instead of one made by her future mother-in-law.

While we will never know the exact why and why, the story of a struggling parent and daughter-in-law/son-in-law will resonate with many.

A child marries and then something happens to the new spouse – a sharp word in an unguarded moment, a perceived minor or critical remark – and a rift opens that seems impossible to close.

I see this a lot, especially with mothers and sons. I often think that something deep-seated is going on – a power struggle game between the parents and the new partner taking over their role.

It’s a story as old as time – indeed, it’s this kind of family drama that is the basis of so many Greek tragedies. It is especially common when the son has been very close to the mother – she struggles to step back and the new daughter-in-law exerts her strength, tensing her muscles.

Brooklyn, Victoria and David pictured together at the 2019 GQ Men of the Year Awards in London

This may come as a shock, as the girlfriend may have bitten her tongue before the wedding. But once she is married to the son, the couple becomes a single unit and all too often the mother is relegated to the second division and feels she has been replaced.

This is not easy for even the most understanding and astute person to accept.

You can’t help but take it personally, even though it’s really just a power play working itself out; the plate tectonics of a family’s dynamics shift and move, causing tremors in those on what they thought was solid ground. However, you can also see it from the new daughter-in-law’s perspective.

They create something new with someone and need their own space for that. They are welcomed into a family, while they actually want to start a new family unit themselves.

It’s an incredibly difficult dance to do without stepping on people’s toes. And unless one withdraws, it rarely ends well, as the son inevitably siding with his new wife.

In my own family, a similar thing happened to a cousin and it took 20 years for the son to talk to his mother again. The only option – as annoying as it may seem – is to swallow your pride, apologize and make it up to the happy new couple.

Danger to TikTok medicine

According to a study by the Pharmaceutical Journal, dangerous prescription drugs for epilepsy, addiction and migraine are openly marketed on TikTok, with British teens being told they are good for weight loss. Experts have expressed concern that the drugs can have serious side effects. While most of the identified posts have now been deleted by TikTok chiefs, others remain. When are we going to crack down on social media companies and insist that they take responsibility for things posted on their sites?

We’ve had them on a leash for too long, working on the outdated notion that these are sleek, fun, funky startups run by harmless hipsters, when in fact they’re multi-billion dollar companies. Where else could a company get away with what they do? If this newspaper were to publish content suggesting that children are taking dangerous drugs to lose weight, all hell would – rightfully so – break loose. What is the difference?

• One in four people could be without a GP within 10 years unless things change, doctors have warned. Primary care is in crisis. But it’s unfair to blame GPs for this. They are stretched to the breaking point. There are many reasons GPs leave the profession or go part-time, but there are other, deeper issues that make GP practice so amazingly unappealing to new doctors. Part of that has to do with the disastrous GP contract that was introduced under PvdA. While temporarily lucrative for some GPs, it was a PR disaster for their relationship with their patients, who began to see them as mercenaries and uninterested in their care, a position that has since been exploited by politicians.

I am relieved to hear that the King has gone to Scotland to recuperate and reflect. The death of a mother is a huge milestone in everyone’s life. He has done it admirably in recent weeks with official appointments, meetings and ceremonies. But now he needs time to himself.

DR MAX PRESCRIPTION…

blueberries

A further study earlier this month suggested they could help reverse cognitive decline — problems with thinking and memory — associated with dementia.

Recent research suggests that these humble berries may well be a true superfood – eating them daily has been shown to reduce the risk of dementia. A further study earlier this month suggested they may help reverse cognitive decline — problems with thinking and memory — associated with dementia. The study author was so surprised by the results that she started eating them every day.