Expert reveals the five different types of toxic partner – and explains how to tell if you need help

A relationship expert has revealed the five different ways someone can be a toxic partner — while explaining whether or not your loved one’s behavior can be considered “toxic.”

Cathy Press, author of When Love Bites: A Young Person’s Guide to Escape from Harmful, Toxic, and Hurtful Relationships, is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor.

She specializes in domestic and sexual violence and often works with children.

Speaking to FEMAIL, Cathy explained the traits that make a partner “toxic” — and warned that the word can sometimes be misinterpreted.

However, she also outlined what she has identified as the five types of toxic partners: the charmer, the bully, the mind mixer, the taker, and the keeper; and explained how they work.

Here she shares her advice on how to tell if you’re in a toxic relationship, and the ways a toxic partner can present themselves…

What is ‘toxic behavior’ in a relationship?

According to Cathy, relationships rarely start when either party expects things to turn sour, and there’s a natural excitement when you get to know another person.

However, when a relationship becomes toxic, the person on the receiving end of the unpleasant behavior can become confused.

An example of toxic behavior is when your partner changes their behavior and mood overnight, seeming nice one minute and mean the next.

Cathy explained, “This kind of behavior is typical of a toxic, controlling and abusive relationship and should be seen as a red flag.”

She added: ‘Whatever the starting point in your relationship, a controlling and abusive partner will find ways to literally shrink your world and your life as you know it.

“They express the other people in your life – your friends and family – and the things you enjoy doing, such as your studies, hobbies, interests and activities.

“They can take your money or possessions and give you rules about what you can and can’t do. When your world gets that much smaller, you can easily become more dependent on your partner.’

However, the psychologist added that if you can see the red flags when they come, you’re less likely to fall into the trap of being stuck in a toxic relationship.

What does not count as toxic behavior?

Cathy says the word “toxic” is “definitely overused in various situations as a way of venting and insulting someone.”

She explained: ‘It acts as an insult because the word defines the attitude qualities of a person who behaves in a toxic way, typically manipulative, coercive, selfish and concerned only with their needs, abuses their power, lacks sincerity and never really apologetic.

“The impact of this behavior can be unpleasant to experience.”

She gave examples of ‘being yelled at, ignored, criticized or compared to someone else’.

However, before coming to the conclusion that your partner is “toxic,” Cathy advised people to look at their relationships and determine if there’s a pattern of similar behavior, or if it’s just a “one time thing.”

She said, “In a relationship with a loving partner, you could safely say you don’t like something they do; your loving partner would apologize, take responsibility for their behavior and not do it again.

“However, when you start to experience some of these behaviors working together, it creates a different context in which we recognize patterns of coercion and control.

“This can include a wide variety of behaviors that cause you to feel unsafe or uncomfortable with your partner and should be considered a red flag in your relationship.”

What Happens When You’re In A Toxic Relationship?

According to Cathy, many people in a toxic relationship become desensitized to their partner’s behavior, especially if the partner isn’t aggressive or violent — but they will always be affected in some way by compulsive behavior.

She said: ‘If you are treated in this toxic way, you may believe that you are stupid or useless, that you have a hard time loving or not loving, that you are always blamed and/or that you are worthless.

“As a result, you may start to feel less and less yourself and after a while you may forget what it’s like to be your normal self.

“You shouldn’t talk to anyone about what’s happening because it’s so hard to define it until the effect on you is significant and clearer to you. Many will go to their GP when the symptoms of how they feel become so unbearable to manage or control.

“You will probably share how you feel, but should not discuss the context of coercive and controlling behavior in your toxic relationship and the way your partner is constantly reducing you.”

How do you get out of a relationship with a toxic partner safely?

Cathy warned anyone who wants to leave their toxic relationship to make sure they get some support from another person in their life.

“It cannot be emphasized enough how important it is to talk about ending an abusive relationship with someone you trust,” she said.

“You may not know how far the controlling partner will go to keep you from leaving, so support is so much needed.

She advised anyone who wants to run away to talk to friends and family, to make sure there’s a place to stay if needed, or even just a sympathetic ear.

Cathy added that if anyone is seriously concerned about their safety, they should speak to a professional and suggested contacting a charity such as Women’s Aid or Refuge.

“Work with your sources to come up with a good plan for safely exiting the relationship,” she said.

“Discuss what to do when things don’t go as planned and how to make the most of your support network, especially if you’re in doubt or question your decision to leave.”