You judge: Should my wife’s family stop using my toothbrush?

The Accuser: Edward

Other people using your toothbrush isn’t just weird, it’s disgusting and unsanitary

When I stay with my wife Alice’s family, I face a big problem. If I leave my toothbrush in the bathroom, I can guarantee it will be used by one of her siblings.

Why do I have a problem with this? Well, brushing your teeth is a personal thing. Another person using your toothbrush is just weird. Why use mine when you could use yours? Why do you feel like you can use my toothbrush? Don’t you think it’s weird and disgusting that you’re using someone else’s toothbrush when it has plaque and germs on it? It is dirty.

This doesn’t just happen when I stay with Alice’s family; unbelievably, it also happens when her siblings have stayed home with us. They say sharing toothbrushes is not a problem. Apparently when they were growing up, there was a jar of toothbrushes in their bathroom, and when it was time to brush their teeth, everyone just went for the prettiest one.

This habit has continued into adulthood, so wherever they go, they simply choose the best toothbrush. I take good care of my toothbrush, so if I leave it outside while they’re staying, chances are one of them will use it. Or, more likely, all of them will use it. By the time five people have used it in one morning, it will be broken, the bristles will be completely separated, and I will have to buy a new one. So the habit is not only disgusting, but also wasteful. Alice’s mother wouldn’t use my toothbrush, but I know her two brothers and sister would.

I raised the issue with Alice and she says, “Don’t be silly, it’s just a toothbrush.” She sees no problem. And Alice’s sister told me to stop being ‘precious’. But I don’t think that makes me precious; they have all crossed the line.

Now I keep my toothbrush in our room. I’d like to leave it in the bathroom because it’s unnatural to move a toothbrush back and forth, but if I forget, someone will always use it. I can’t get Alice’s family to follow my rule, so I’ll just have to carry my toothbrush with me.

The defense: Alice

Our family has always shared toothbrushes and we still do. Edward can be a bit of a princess

The first thing you need to know is that I grew up sharing things in a house of six people. When you live with three siblings and your mom and dad, you just do whatever. We shared toothbrushes – we’ve done it all our lives. I still do that when I go home. I honestly don’t think there’s anything unusual about it.

My mother replaced the toothbrushes once a month, so that was fine. I thought everyone did it. It didn’t occur to me that it was disgusting. For a long time, Edward didn’t know that everyone in my house used their toothbrush when he stayed over. He always said, “Why is my toothbrush wet?” I haven’t said anything for a while. But he had a very nice, cool toothbrush, while mom used to just get a pack of Aldi toothbrushes. However, my siblings wouldn’t have known it was his. They would have just seen it and thought, “I’m going to use that tonight.”

Edward once saw one of my brothers using his toothbrush and felt absolutely shocked. He started hiding it when we went to sleepover, and he still does. My siblings thought, “Why is he panicking? We all share in this house.” Even though we are adults, they find sharing toothbrushes very normal, just like me.

Edward and I started dating when we were 17 and we’re now 32. I’ve known him for more than half my life and he’s always been pretty picky. My house was always full of people and noise; his family is very different. When I met him, I was shocked at how much privacy he had. He lived in a large mansion with just his mother and had an entire floor to himself, while I wasn’t raised that way. Edward is a bit of a princess.

He has gotten around the problem by taking his toothbrush into the bedroom when he stays at my house. I think it’s funny that he keeps it under lock and key, and my family thinks it’s hilarious. They bully him because he’s a stubborn loser. I tell him to chill out about the toothbrush thing – I guess that’s what sharing is charming.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Alice’s siblings fire Edward’s toothbrush?

This is a clear case: Alice is guilty, just like her siblings. Sharing is to be expected in a large family, but not when it comes to personal hygiene. Edward has shown real tolerance – and should be able to leave his toothbrush alone.
Caitlin, 27

Normally I find something to agree with on both sides, but in this case it is unequivocal. Edward is right: Alice and her family should leave his toothbrush alone. It’s not hygienic – sorry Alice, every family has its quirks, but this is just a mixture. But more than that, they make him feel unwelcome in their home.
Catriona, 42

It’s reasonable for Edward to want to avoid exchanging bodily fluids with his in-laws – and I’m sure dentists would agree. This boundary must be respected and Alice’s siblings must keep their greedy paws off his toothbrush.
Julia, 37

While it may have been “charming” to share toothbrushes as young children, there certainly comes a time (after growing up, contracting Covid, getting married, etc.) when you consider this a disgusting habit. Edward, for the sake of your health, keep it hidden and undisturbed.
Thomas, 49

Using someone else’s toothbrush is weird, unhygienic and not normal. Alice and her family need to stop swearing and respect the fact that Edward doesn’t want to – and doesn’t have to – share his toothbrush.
Emmy, 45

Now you are the judge

Tell us in our online survey: Should Alice’s siblings stop using Edward’s toothbrush?

Last week’s result

We asked if Liz should relax about dating and babies.

45% of you said yes – Liz is guilty

55% of you said no – Liz is innocent

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