SARAH VINE: I’ve been to the metaverse and it’s like being stuck at a really boring party
One of the biggest challenges of parenthood these days is staying on top of an ever-changing digital landscape.
My children were part of the first generation to not only have widespread access to social media, but also, crucially, to smartphones.
My daughter was just starting high school when apps like Instagram, Snapchat and musical.ly – the predecessor to TikTok – arrived on the scene.
Mobile phones turned from practical objects into portals to worlds that many of us could not imagine or understand.
As a child of the analog age, it took me a while to realize what was going on – by then it was too late. The Pied Pipers of Palo Alto had already led an entire generation into the digital abyss.
Ultimately, it is neither possible nor practical for governments to monitor what happens in these spaces (Stock Image)
My daughter suffered the consequences of this through terrible online bullying, and her experience was by no means unique.
I failed to protect her for the simple reason that I didn’t really understand what was going on.
My only consolation is that in witnessing what she went through, her younger brother has taken a much more cautious approach. But still.
That’s why I’m now quite aware of the online world, albeit more out of duty than desire. Friends with younger children often consult me about how to deal with their own problems, and my advice is always the same: don’t bury your head in the sand.
It goes without saying that we’d all rather our kids read Milton and Chaucer than obsess over some viral lip balm promoted by a twelve-year-old with half a million followers or join in the conversation with Doja Cat in a crop top. But that ship has sailed.
There is no other option than to deal with it, even if you find it banal. Make it your job to know what your child is up to in cyberspace; only then can you protect him/her.
That’s why last week I decided to take a trip to the frontlines of the next digital revolution: the metaverse.
After an alarming report that the police were investigating a case of ‘virtual sexual assault’ against a 16-year-old, I thought I better experience for myself this new(ish) online world, which its creators never tire of telling us : is the future of the human race. The metaverse is loosely defined as a three-dimensional digital space that uses virtual reality to give people lifelike experiences online.
If you believe the hype, soon we will all leave our dreary analog lives behind to live much more glamorous digital lives as avatars in a universe of infinite possibilities.
It’s the new frontier, the next step in our evolution – not to mention the opportunity for a lot of people to make a lot of money.
According to management consultants McKinsey & Co, the metaverse “could be worth $5 trillion by 2030 and potentially be the largest new growth opportunity for several industries over the next decade, including consumer packaged goods, retail, financial services, technology, manufacturing and healthcare.” ‘.
The ‘avatar’ of a girl under the age of 16 – her electronic image – was raped while she played a game in the so-called ‘metaverse’ (Stock Image)
Based on this, I was expecting something truly spectacular when I put on my Meta Quest 2 headset, the gateway to this new Nirvana. Sleek and white, it looks like a giant pair of binoculars, only the glasses are on the inside.
The setup was all easy, including creating an avatar that bore no resemblance to the real me (young, slim, and blonde). I had visions of wandering through the metaverse like some kind of Hollywood superhero, doing all kinds of exciting things (especially backflips) that would be impossible in real life.
But when I started my adventure, the (virtual) reality couldn’t have been more different. I had imagined myself living in a high-end video game: but in fact it was like being stuck in a pixelated version of the Lego movie, all primary colors and unnavigable shapes.
The biggest problem, I quickly realized, was that no man-made technology can replace the streamlined, refined, and effortless functioning of the human body as designed by nature. It was like learning to walk again.
I spent most of my time running into virtual walls or getting stuck in digital corners.
Eventually I got a little more comfortable with the controllers and wandered around a few places where other avatars were hanging out. But to be honest, I couldn’t find much wrong with it. It was like being at a really boring party with a group of people you’ve never met.
It also had the disturbing effect of making me feel distinctly seasick, even though I was sitting still. And I was acutely aware that to any casual real-world observer, I looked completely absurd, writhing on the couch while my avatar stumbled around in cyberspace.
Thinking it might be just me, I asked my daughter to give it a try. Within half an hour she had declared she was bored and went back to playing Anagrams on her phone.
Even her friend, whose eyes lit up at the sight of the headphones, threw them away after a few minutes. I tried a few more times, but finally gave up after a splitting headache that lasted a day and a half.
But it was worth it. Because I now know that no matter how much people like Mark Zuckerberg and others want to tell us otherwise, the metaverse is far from a replacement for the real world.
One day we might all live our lives as digital moles, blindly tethered to our devices. But not for a while, at least.
Hats off to Rosamund’s glorious Globes performance
And the winner is . . . Rosamund Pike, for this extraordinary outfit, which she wore to the Golden Globes.
She didn’t really take home any awards, but as Lady Elspeth she was the best in the film Saltburn by a country mile. She also claimed she wore Philip Treacy’s hat to cover up a skiing injury on Boxing Day – but who needs an excuse to look this fabulous?
As Lady Elspeth, Rosamund Pike was by far the best in the film Saltburn
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Brave Roya Heshmati, 33, was given 74 lashes with a leather whip for refusing to wear a hijab while walking the streets of Tehran.
She is just one of countless Iranian women standing up to this brutal, misogynistic regime, which ruthlessly imposes Sharia law on its people and also funds Hamas’ rapists and terrorists. People marching in the streets objecting to Israel’s right to defend itself might want to think about that.
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Bingo! It’s genetics
Essential scientific breakthrough: bingo wings are genetically determined. At a time of year when so many of us are working out our guts in overpriced gyms, it’s encouraging to know that those stubborn fat spots aren’t necessarily our fault: in fact, they’re down to genes and estrogen. This matches my own experience: BC (before kids) I had perfectly decent upper arms. Then I breastfed, and they have never been the same. Anyway, that’s my excuse and I stand by it.
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Dominating the headlines, a story of global importance: Jennifer Aniston has had a haircut. Apparently, fans have noticed a similarity between her famous ‘Rachel’ style and the ‘do she wore to Sunday’s Golden Globes. Have they been in Elon Musk’s stock? The two styles are nothing alike.
Fans have somehow discovered a similarity between Jennifer’s famous ‘Rachel’ style and the ‘do she wore to Sunday’s Golden Globes
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Andrew Tate has bragged that he plans to buy Jeffrey Epstein’s private island in the Caribbean. Makes sense, I guess. It’s the ideal piece of real estate for someone on trial for rape and human trafficking.
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A little Welsh mouse has gone viral after a video surfaced of her (I’m assuming it’s a she) cleaning out retired postman Rodney Holbrook’s shed at night. Maybe she’s read Good Mousekeeping…