ALEX BRUMMER: Regulators will do their best as BT, Hargreaves and Unilever find themselves in the dock

Did someone put a stimulant in their tea? Or was it a matter of clearing the decks before a long Christmas break?

Whatever the case, Britain's often sleepy regulators are doing their best. The telecoms regulator turned its fire on EE, owned by BT.

As an expert on BT's unscrupulous and often indecipherable pricing policy, I am not the least bit surprised.

The often lackluster Financial Conduct Authority is taking aim at how investment platforms – Hargreaves Lansdown is one of the biggest sinners – have exploited the cash balances of loyal customers to boost their own profits by capturing much of the benefit of higher interest margins to take.

Unilever, already in the dock for alleged 'greed', is being questioned by the Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) for exaggerating claims about its green credentials.

As wonderful as it is to see this trio of regulators wagging their fingers, one would love to see a lot more from those who have performed so poorly in front of the public.

The Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) is soft on Heathrow's overseas owners (soon to include Saudi Arabia) who are raising prices for travelers and airlines.

Then there is Ofgem, which in the name of competition turned the energy market into the Wild West, with everyone who escaped the great financial crisis reemerging as an energy supplier.

Taxpayers were left with the bills as they collapsed like pins. As for the water regulator Ofwat, there is one word to describe its performance: sewage.

Ofcom's Dame Melanie Dawes has taken to the airwaves to warn mobile operators that it is not fair to impose an inflation increase on customers halfway through their contracts.

Networks have been told to list the increases prominently on contracts so users can exercise the right to switch mid-stream.

It won't be Ofcom's decision. But one suspects Sarah Cardell, her counterpart at the CMA, will not be happy with a cartel-like lack of transparency.

Vodafone's plans to merge with Hutchison-owned rival Three are unlikely to be advanced.

Speaking of the CMA, the decision to investigate Unilever's green washing practice is likely to put a wry smile on the face of Mauritius-based stock picker Terry Smith.

He often criticized Unilever for its 'with a purpose' and 'woery' brands.

The CMA says some of the language used by Unilever may 'mislead' consumers about its environmental impact. Green leaves on the packaging do not make the product ecologically friendly.

The biggest share price move from the regulatory wake-up was felt by broker Hargreaves Lansdown, which tumbled 10 per cent when it was revealed it was being stalked by the FCA.

Last year, the platform's pre-tax profits rose 50 percent to £402.7 million.

This miracle was accomplished by plundering cash from customers' accounts, placing it on deposits in banks, and pocketing the difference between the interest yield for customers and the yield on the money markets.

Good job for HL and its executives, increasing bonus rights, but unfair to customers who see their hard-earned money disappear through the inflation gap.

Oil rush

Finally, after much wrangling at the COP28 climate summit, the world's fifty largest fossil fuel companies pledged to cut methane and carbon emissions to zero by 2030 and 2050, respectively.

This is a very encouraging result, until you look at what is actually happening in West Texas.

Consultants Wood Mackenzie report that major oil mergers and acquisitions in the Permian Basin, home to fracking, have reached a record $100 billion this year as oil giants, led by Exxon Mobile and Chevron, increasingly acquire fossil fuels.

Warren Buffett-backed Occidental is the latest buyer to buy drilling company Crown Rock for as much as $12 billion. Retreat from fossil fuels? Hooey.

Chemistry set

A report from broker Jefferies that will make you dream: 'An early Christmas present for DOMC and RDC.

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Naturally…