I was born without a vagina and for years I felt like a freak as people wondered if I ‘looked like Barbie down there’: Here’s how I reclaimed my self worth

Ally Hensley was a teenager when doctors revealed she was born without a vagina.

For years, the 42-year-old Australian woman felt that her identity revolved around her ‘deformity’.

She was paranoid. Everyone who heard of her condition began “stripping her naked” to find out if she “looked like Barbie there.”

Speaking about the Xposed podcast with Samantha XAlly put that image aside and explained that outwardly she looks “the same as any other woman.”

The rare condition of the bubbly blonde is called Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome (MRKH) and affects one in 5,000 women worldwide to varying degrees.

Her diagnosis meant she was also born without a uterus and cervix and would never have her own children.

“I spent years feeling ashamed of my body, feeling like I wasn’t a normal woman and having to deal with the fact that I could never have children,” she said.

‘I didn’t feel like a typical woman and developed terrible relationships with men, and struggled with feelings of self-esteem and confidence and the question ‘am I woman enough?’, she added.

To complicate matters, Ally was born with ovaries, so her estrogen was typical for a woman. She had breasts, hips and no one would know looking at her that she didn’t have a vaginal canal.

Ally was a teenager when she was diagnosed, which affected her self-confidence

Rokitansky syndrome, or MRKH (Mayer Rokitansky Küster Hauser), is a congenital defect characterized by the absence of the vagina, uterus and cervix

‘I felt like a freak. I felt the loneliness and shame were palpable. And if there is a moment when an emotion is too big to understand, then that was really the case, then I was sad. I just felt dirty. I felt less than.

“Imagine how embarrassing it was as a teenage girl, doctors constantly talking to your parents about my vagina.”

Many of those conversations were about penetrative sex.

She was told that if she ever wanted to experience it, she would have to change her anatomy and choose between surgery or dilation – which meant creating her own vagina with medical dilators.

‘I chose dilation, I wanted to create my own vagina. My vaginal ‘dimple’ was no more than a thumbnail long and I had to stretch it to at least six inches.”

For months she created her own vagina using dilators so that one day she could have penetrative sex

While friends her age were dating, having sex and enjoying “normal” life, Ally was stuck in her bedroom twice a day, making her own vagina using plastic dilators with KY Jelly.

“There’s nothing worse than being upstairs in your bedroom for 20 minutes in the morning and evening before school, after school, while your family is going about their daily activities, watching TV while they prepare dinner, while you’re thinking, ‘ I just have to go make my dinner.” vagina”.’

It took nine months to insert the pink hard tubes into her hole so hard that her knuckles ached.

‘It was pain. I simply felt disgusted, ashamed and humiliated.”

Once her vagina reached a certain length, Ally could have penetrative sex.

But now admits it took her decades more to give herself a break and come to terms with her body

‘When I got my custom-made vagina I was damn sure I was going to use it and at first I was incredibly promiscuous because I was in a race with being a woman.

‘It was worth saying that vaginas are not for sexual consumption. The choice of whether or not to create a vagina may simply come down to reclaiming power and body ownership. It’s all about choice.’

Nearly 25 years later, Ally has accepted who she is without shame.

“I posted about my vagina on Instagram and received so many DMs from women who also experience shame about their medical condition, that they don’t feel like a ‘normal’ woman, whatever that word means.”

Now Ally dedicates her time to helping women accept and love their bodies for who they are, and that being a woman doesn’t come down to body parts and reproductive anatomy.

With infertility affecting 1 in 7 couples, Ally also sheds light on the grief of infertility and life as a childless woman.

“I really want to start a campaign around why we need to abolish the word normal, why we need to or can redefine femininity, and smoke away some of the stigma and put that shame to bed,” she said.

But her campaign to eradicate shame has already encountered censorship, with words like vagina, clitoris and vulva causing her Instagram account @ally_hensley to be banished into the shadows.

“As I researched facts and statistics for my memoir and shared my ‘vagina’ story online, I quickly realized I was shadow-banned,” she said.

Now Ally teaches others to accept their bodies

‘And I am far from alone. Sex educators, influencers, sexual health activists, and gynecological cancer advocates are in constant fear.

‘The sad truth is that instead of sharing information that can support, inform and liberate women’s health, we are sending the message that anything ‘below the belt’ is a shame. And too bad, I know it very well. After all, the only thing normal in this world is difference.’

She wants people to realize that ‘vagina is not a dirty word’.

Ally has traveled the world sharing her diagnosis, giving live TV interviews, publishing articles and speaking at events.

She regrets feeling ashamed for much of her young life

“I know so many women around the world need to hear that our bodies should be celebrated and not shamed,” she said.

She also writes her memoirs, hosts her podcast Stigma Shakers and founded Australia’s first charity dedicated to MRKH. She also sits on the board of MRKH Connect, Britain’s largest charity.