Clinical psychologist analyzes the FOUR different types of narcissists and reveals how to identify which type you’re dealing with – while exposing the parenting mistakes that can cause children to develop a personality style

It’s a personality buzzword making the rounds on social media, but what exactly is a narcissist?

In short, narcissism means that you are completely and utterly obsessed with yourself and have a lack of empathy for others – but there are varying degrees and differences between the personality traits they exude.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula analyzed the characteristics of a narcissist and said that it is a personality style and not a diagnosis – as many people think.

“People think this is a clinical condition, you shouldn’t say that if you’re not a doctor,” she said on Emily Ratajkowksi’s podcast. High Low.

“(Narcissism) is a personality style, for example (I) consider myself kind and conscientious, those are my personalities, it is not a diagnosis.”

She outlined four types of narcissism that exist, and some of the qualities they radiate – and explained how you can avoid parenting a narcissist.

“The classic narcissistic person that everyone thinks of is the grandiose narcissist,” explained Dr. Ramani out. ‘The braggart, the arrogant, ‘look how great I am.’

“I mean, you see a lot of celebrity cultures cater to the kind of attention-seeking kind of person,” she added.

Dr. Ramani described these types of people as ‘slick’, meaning they exude a certain self-confidence and would be relatively unsettled by most things – until you are alone with them.

“They just feel like they have it all,” she said simply. “Until you’re in a locked room with them and they’re mad at you and take it out on you.”

The next type of narcissist is a vulnerable narcissist, which Dr. Ramani classifies as someone who “looks more irritable and anxious.”

“Sometimes they are even shy, but they are always angry and always the victim,” she explained. “How come things don’t go my way, why is the world out to get me, how come things don’t go my way.”

The third type of narcissist is called a “communal narcissist” – someone, Dr. explained. Ramani thrives on the validation of other people.

“The communal narcissist gets (their) validation from being seen as someone who does all these good things,” she explained on the podcast.

“(They will do apparently good things and then say) ‘look at me saving people, look at me raising all this money complex,’” she said.

There are also self-absorbed narcissists, whom she characterizes as someone who can be “controlling and cruel.”

“(This can be with) money, they can be weird when it comes to time,” she summed up. “They may feel discriminatory, but they are rigid, rigid, rigid.”

Dr. Ramani explained that a self-absorbed narcissist has the facade of someone who works very hard and is very successful, but pointed out that this is often at the expense of others.

Dr. Ramani also spoke to younger generations who seemed more narcissistic than the generations before them. She hypothesized that parenting styles may sometimes have something to do with it, although she emphasized that different forms of communication also play a role, including across generations.

‘(The younger generations) like Generation Z grew up with different things, right?’ she said.

‘Digitally, they grew up differently, and so how they interact, we have to be careful not to pathologize a young person by adapting themselves to the way people in a generation communicate.

“I think the parenting practices are over, so I think whatever generation I’m Gen X in, I think the Boomers (and) Gen X probably had parents who were more authoritarian, and not as warm, not as validating,” she says. theorized.

“Millennials and Gen Z got a lot more attention from their parents, I think,” she noted. ‘In certain cases probably too lenient – ​​and that’s where we might see some of those chickens coming home to roost.”

The psychologist also said that social media plays a big role in how younger narcissists get validation.

“There was once a time before a narcissistic person got confirmation that he actually had to leave the house, he had to get up, shower, shave, do one this, one that, put on his clothes and go outside where other people are, she explained.

‘That took effort, so at three o’clock in the morning you didn’t receive confirmation, you actually had to make an effort.’

Dr. Ramani suggested reading appropriate books for children from an early age and encouraging emotional exploration.

“I tell parents to read books with age-appropriate children and ask them how do you think the bear felt about the end of it,” she said.

“Those are moments, whatever they are; a bear or a zebra, (ask them) how do you think that zebra felt when the other zebra kids didn’t want to play with them,” she suggested.

She said doing the “emotional exploration” – especially for parents of boys – is important to help them get in touch with their feelings and vulnerability.

Dr. Ramani also revealed that parents make “one big mistake when their children are growing up, which is not wanting them to fail.

“Many parents (don’t) want their child to experience problems, and that’s a big mistake,” she said.

“The bad is where the good things happen,” she said. “It’s about how they learn to deal with it, like you said: self-regulation, yes, it’s very important.”