DEAR JANE: My best friend married my widowed FATHER – and I am so disgusted I can’t imagine speaking to either of them ever again

Dear Jane,

I’ll cut to the chase here: my father married my best friend from an early age and I’m disgusted by both.

To give you some background, my mother passed away three years ago, leaving only me and my father behind. The experience was very difficult for both of us, especially because we dealt with our grief in very different ways.

About a year after her death, I started to feel like my old self, but I could tell my father was still struggling. He had basically become a shut-in, he wasn’t spending time with his friends, and he just seemed so depressed.

About two months later, one of my best friends from childhood told me she was looking for a place to stay after breaking up with a boyfriend — and I suggested her and my dad rent one of his spare rooms, in at least for a while. few months. I thought it would be a cheap deal for her and give my father some company.

For starters, my plan worked. They both bonded over their shared love of home design shows and my dad taught my friend how to play chess, which gave him something fun to do during his evenings when she wasn’t working.

I loved everything about it – until about eight months later they invited me over, sat me down at the table… and told me they had fallen in love and were planning to get married. I was amazed. I had no idea what to say other than ‘what the f*** is that’.

International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane agony aunt

They both tried to put me down, telling me they never saw this coming, but they had realized how much they had in common – and then they basically told me to be happy for them because I was the one who brought them together!

I ran away and never came back. They tried calling, texting and my boyfriend even showed up at my house but I refused to talk to any of them. A few months ago they sent me a wedding invitation.

I refused to go and sent them both another email making my disgust at their relationship clear and telling them that I can’t have them in my life if they want to continue this relationship.

Apparently neither of them cared, because they got married last weekend. Without me there. And apparently without a care in the world.

I am so hurt and betrayed by both of them and hate the fact that they chose each other over me. I hate myself for ever putting them in a room together.

How can I make them realize that they are ruining our entire lives?

By,

Hurt and betrayed

Dear Hurt and Betrayed,

It’s completely understandable that you feel extremely betrayed, and I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.

It is often difficult for children to see a parent with a new partner after their partner has died. Even without the added complication of the new partner being a childhood friend, seeing a parent in a loving relationship with someone other than your mother can be shocking and disturbing, regardless of your age.

Add to that the fact that this is your friend, your pain is palpable and understandable, and your trust has been broken.

Unfortunately, we have no control over the choices of our parents, or even our friends. Nor can we help who we fall in love with.

You love your father, and despite what feels like a huge betrayal, this is not a specific injury against you, and I imagine that, having already lost your mother, you don’t want your father to disappear from your life forever .

Take them all aside, explain your feelings, and ask them how you can all work together to rebuild trust.

I wish you the best.