I rejected a boy who wanted to date me… so he threw acid in my face

On July 30, 1995, I was home. It was night when I started to hear strange noises.

My mom and I thought we were being robbed, but the reality was much worse.

There were 11 boys – I recognized one. He was two years older than me and had told my friends that he liked me and wanted a relationship with me. I had refused.

That night he threw acid on me. I was 15 years old.

When it first happened I didn’t know it was sour. My neighbor came to my house and told me that my face turned black. I was in a lot of pain and ended up in the hospital for eight months, where I underwent five surgeries on my face.

Nahar was attacked when she was 15 years old, after she rejected a boy who wanted to have a relationship with her.

How I felt during that recovery phase is indescribable. It felt both physically and mentally as if I had nothing left.

I looked at my face in the mirror and I was in disbelief. I was amazed. I saw a completely different person staring at me. I couldn’t recognize myself. I never imagined my face could be so distorted.

Although I was still so young, I had to gather courage and start my life all over again.

Since the day of my attack—the day my life changed forever—I’ve learned that attacks on women and girls use acid because so much attention is paid to their physical appearance in society.

Acid attacks are used as a means of permanently damaging the survivor and reinforcing harmful patriarchal norms rooted in a male sense of entitlement to women. I declined a relationship proposal. As a result, I was attacked with acid.

A woman’s disfigurement becomes a public sign of shame, making it difficult for her to attend school, find work, or participate in public life.

My attacker wanted to end my life as I knew it. But I won’t let him. I’m here. I live. I grew up with this and against all odds, I made my dreams come true.

Since the age of 15, every day is a new step in the survival process.

At the time I lived in a small village in Bangladesh and it was quite a challenge to integrate back into society. People stare at you, talk about you behind your back, or shout vicious insults at you in the street.

After the attack, people from different walks of life, including my neighbors, neglected me, thinking I would be a burden to my family. They always laughed at my deformed appearance. It made me depressed and hurt at times.

Nahar was hospitalized for eight months and tells in her interview how the network fights discrimination against survivors in schools, the labor market and even within their own families.

She says the 2020 coronavirus pandemic and lockdown has been a particularly difficult time for survivors

Leaving the house was a daily struggle.

Over the years, I’ve seen many survivors blamed for their attack – even by their own families. People say, “Maybe you did something wrong, and that’s why the man was angry and threw the acid at you.”

But unlike many other survivors, I had the full support of my family to move on and there were many good people in my community who gave me courage and stood by my side. I swore I would never feel responsible for this incident.

It’s been a long, hard road, but I’ve managed to stay in school and go to university.

About five years after my attack, I started reading the news every day about new acid attack survivors, and I wrote the survivors a letter and sent it with my photo.

It really empowered me to be united with other people who understood my experience. I would say to them, ‘I’m a survivor too. And I am always with you. So you can share everything with me.’

In time, 200 survivors wrote back to me. I was overwhelmed by so many responses, but also angry to learn how widespread these attacks were. I felt inspired to work for them. For us.

In 2007, we came together to form the Acid Survivors’ Network, with support from ActionAid Bangladesh. And with that my dream came true.

Now I have the opportunity to provide vital support to people who, like me, do not want to be defined by their vicious attack. I became an integral part of the establishment and operation of the network as a focal point of ActionAid Bangladesh.

My role is to design projects aimed at empowering acid survivors, coordinate with the members of the network and conduct quarterly meetings.

I also provide different types of skills development training for survivors: on leadership, women empowerment and how to stop violence against women.

Nahar has received calls from survivors whose families have been yelling at them during the pandemic, and she feels extremely saddened by their stories

She says the pandemic has been difficult for survivors – with families under financial strain, tensions are high in homes and some survivors are verbally bullied by their relatives

I visit survivors and guide them through income-generating activities to help them access various government and non-governmental services and support.

There are currently 280 members in five districts in the Acid Survivors’ Network. We are collaborating on techniques survivors can use to overcome the trauma and isolation that comes from surviving an acid attack.

We provide workshops on poultry farming, gardening, sewing and textiles to help survivors earn their own income.

We also work with local communities to educate people about the rights of survivors, and all women, to live lives free of violence.

I believe my goal is to help survivors overcome their despair, to find hope. Because I understand. I know their pain.

Laws against acid attacks are often insufficient.

The Acid Control Act 2002 and the Acid Crime Prevention Acts 2002, passed by the government of Bangladesh, which restrict the importation and sale of acid in open markets, were a start – and I am pleased to say that there has been a reduction in 75% have been reported in Bangladesh since 2002.

Yet there are still about 1,500 acid attacks per year worldwide. 80% are against women.

In both cases, not the weapon – acid – should be central, but the root cause of violence against women and girls. By tackling the patriarchy, we can best prevent these attacks.

Legal reform must be accompanied by changing social norms that allow men to exercise power over women, the same norms that value women and girls based on their appearance.

When my attack first happened, I thought I would be nothing. I thought my life was over. I thought nothing would be possible.

Now I am proud to support other survivors to live happy and fulfilled lives, get justice and cope with their experience. I want an end to acid attacks and all forms of violence against women and girls for good. That’s my motivation, my hope.

To my fellow survivors, I say, don’t lose your personality, don’t lose your faith or your heart. Because if I can do this and get this job, why can’t you?

ActionAid is an international charity that works for women and girls living in poverty. Our dedicated local employees are changing the world with women and girls. We are ending violence and fighting poverty so that all women, everywhere, can create the future they want.

Visit their website to learn more about ActionAid’s work here.