JACI STEPHEN: Don’t we ALL want to be Lauren Sanchez right now?

Sometimes in life you have to throw in the towel and say, Okay, you win!

And at the age of 53, that’s exactly what Lauren Sanchez did: she won. Big time.

Yes, she is the former C-list TV personality traded in for the role of the technology tycoon’s lover. Yes, she is packed to the brim with plastic and pump. And yes, her dirty laundry has been aired so many times that she’s practically the cover girl for Maytag. But, ladies: don’t we all want to be her now?

Because she’s just gone and proposed marriage to b-zillionaire Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, 59, once the richest man in the world and still worth a cool $139 billion.

When she flashed that F*** You sparkler for the cameras atop her husband-to-be’s $500 million yacht this week, you just knew she didn’t give two carats what the rest of us think. And I am absolutely not ashamed to express my own seething jealousy.

“It Should Have Been Me,” I sob from here on Planet Poor as I sing the 1975 Yvonne Fair hit.

And as she flashed this F*** You starlet for the cameras atop her husband-to-be’s $500 million yacht this week, you just knew she didn’t give two carats what the rest of us think. And I am absolutely not ashamed to express my own seething jealousy.

You have to admire the brutality of it all. Laughing, Lauren stepped out for a celebratory dinner with Bezos in Cannes on Monday night, her little white dress and even slimmer waist on display for all to see.

Really, she’s laughing at us. And why wouldn’t she?

Not for her, the four-star rated “Amazon’s Choice” round cut zirconia solitaire ring ($13.95). Nor top talent agent Patrick Whitesell, her now ex-husband – worth a measly $450 million.

No, Lauren’s story is the ultimate triumph of the Other Woman. She’s Queen Camilla – but a damn richer face, and with probably many years left to enjoy her crown.

We’ve all fantasized about what it would be like to be a Lauren. Thinking about her life trajectory the same way people talk about what they would do if they won the lottery. You know it will never happen, but it’s fun to imagine.

And just imagine… You are a pioneering news presenter and helicopter pilot. You meet Bezos through your entertainment magnate husband whom you will later dump. You embark on a passionate affair that in 2019 spells the end of your 14-year marriage (and Bezos’ 26-year union with MacKenzie). You let him buy a $165 million California mansion (the most expensive purchase in the history of the state) – plus other properties in Hawaii and elsewhere.

There are holidays to Spain, Italy, London, India. Bezos then even steps back from the helm of Amazon to spend money more time with you. He commissions a $500 million yacht – complete with front-mounted busty Goddess figurehead, not too similar in appearance to Sanchez himself. And, of course, there’s the allegedly 20-carat bezel.

You have to admire the brutality of it all. Laughing, Lauren stepped out for a celebratory dinner with Bezos in Cannes on Monday night, her little white dress and even slimmer waist on display for all to see.

Really, she’s laughing at us. And why wouldn’t she? Not for her, the four-star rated “Amazon’s Choice” round cut zirconia solitaire ring ($13.95).

Top talent agent Patrick Whitesell (pictured, left) – her now ex-husband – is worth a measly $450 million.

Will this fairy tale never end?

How much icing on the cake does a girl need?

Don’t forget that Lauren is a post menopausal 53. She’s not a 20-something model that Bezos could have plucked from any catwalk in the world. Let that sink in for a while.

Now, sure, it’s not a life for everyone.

Lauren’s had to weather her fair share of rocky waters — including the very public destruction of two marriages, with young children on both sides to reckon with.

There was also a terribly complicated mess when in 2021 Bezos took Lauren’s brother Michael to court to demand payment of legal fees Michael owed after he filed and lost a previous defamation suit against Bezos (still following?).

And, most notoriously, there was the tawdry leak of intimate text messages between Bezos and Lauren. Including an alleged “below the belt” image of Jeff’s own Amazon package – a photo that was later revealed to be non-existent.

But for a woman like Lauren – hard as gun-grade silicon – a scandal like this would always be the most natural thing in the world.

Bezos commissioned a $500 million yacht – complete with front-mounted buxom Goddess figurehead, not too dissimilar in appearance from Sanchez himself.

We’ve all fantasized about what it would be like to be a Lauren.

The story of Lauren is the ultimate triumph of the Other Woman. She’s Queen Camilla – but a damn richer face, and with probably many years left to enjoy her crown. (Pictured: Sanchez with Bezos).

So here I am, raising a glass of cheap prosecco to her. And busy thinking of ways to emulate her staggering success.

In case you didn’t know, the richest man in the world is Bernard Arnault, the 74-year-old French fashion mogul worth $234 billion. Time to brush up on those conjugations, ladies!

And as for you, Jeff. I hope you’re happy. But you really didn’t have to splash on the houses, the yacht, the RING.

After all, I would have settled for an annual Amazon Prime subscription.