Why it’s OK for couples to go to bed angry and how the touching toes rule can save your relationship

A relationship expert has revealed that “going to bed angry” can be better for your relationship than trying to sort things out before bagging the sack.

Patricia Lamas suggests that couples should sleep “touch toes” instead if they’ve had a fight.

The licensed couples therapist and said the “touch toes rule” can save your relationship and never letting each other go to bed angry can be “very harmful.”

She said by touching toes in bed after an unresolved argument, you communicate to your partner that you still love and care for them despite all the difficulties you are going through.

“We’ve always been told not to go to bed without fixing the problem,” says Patricia, who runs her own practice Securely linkedsaid in an online video.

“This advice can be very harmful to your relationship, sometimes you spend hours worrying because you can’t find a solution.”

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Patricia, who is from LA, recommended having a “touch your toes” rule with your partner in case you have a bedtime disagreement.

“That’s indicative of, ‘We’re upset and we still love each other and we’re still here and we’re together,'” she explained.

By entering into this agreement, you agree that your relationship is your priority and that you will keep it safe. It’s the hardest thing to do, but it’s purposeful rather than feeling-based.”

In the clip’s caption, Patricia said that angrily refusing to go to bed can get you into a “never-ending altercation” and that pausing to get some shut-eye is better than “twisting and expanding the argument” .

Patrician said that if you angrily refuse to go to bed you can get into a “never-ending altercation” and that pausing to get some shut-eye is better than “continuing the discussion”

“The longer an argument, the more likely it is to be remembered in our long-term memory as a threat, the more likely we are to become enemies,” the psychotherapist said.

Instead, Patricia said you should make an appointment to let each other know that your relationship is safe despite your “burdened egos,” whether it’s touching toes or some other act of passive affection.

“Make an appointment to give each other a signal, no matter what state you go to bed in, that you’re safe and that your relationship is okay, even if you’re angry,” she said.

“This is self-energizing, thinking about the well-being of our unit while thinking about ourselves, and it’s necessary for a secure relationship.” It is a skill to develop in order to deal consciously with each other.’

She said by touching toes in bed after an unresolved argument, you communicate to your partner that you still love and care for them despite any difficulties you may be going through

Patricia’s video with her helpful advice has been viewed more than 1.2 million times on Instagram and TikTok, with many saying they will adopt the relationship-saving method.

“Well done, great ritual to continue the conversation the next day,” said one man.

“Aww love this so much I’m about to get married and I will do this,” another viewer replied.

‘Wow, I love this. I always tried to touch hands or butt to buttocks, toes seem better after a fight,” a third added.

Others said they tried and tested the rule throughout their relationship and vouch for its effectiveness.

“I hate this ‘we have to fix it now’, no I don’t, I’m angry and hurt and don’t understand my own feelings right now or why I’m like this,” said one woman.

“Just give me space so I can self-regulate before I say something hurtful that I’ll regret later and will definitely make the situation worse.”

“I’ve always hated that ‘never go to bed angry’ advice because I almost never want to discuss something the same day it happened. Nothing productive will be said while I’m angry,’ another agreed.

“My partner and I wait until the weekend and we go out on a date and talk about what happened and how we can handle the situation better next time.”