Woman asks friend for baby gift back after miscarriage
A woman has sparked outrage after questioning whether she should ask her friend who had a miscarriage to return the expensive baby shower she had given her.
The woman posted online, sharing her dilemma and was immediately criticized for being a “heartless” person with poor gift-giving etiquette.
She immediately acknowledged that she sounded “terrible” and that it was “a horrible thing to do” – but her husband spent $400 ($600AUD) on the present which would be “wasted and probably never used.”
She also revealed that they previously spent $300 ($450 AUD) on a baby shower gift for the same woman a few years ago.
“It’s one thing if she can get a few years of use out of the item, that’s money well spent, but it’s a problem if it’s going to sit in a box in her attic for years,” she explained.
A woman has sparked outrage after questioning whether she should ask her friend to return the expensive baby shower gift she bought after the friend suffered a traumatic miscarriage
She posted her story to Reddit’s popular ‘Am I The A**hole?’ forum where strangers can judge someone’s actions with an objective perspective.
“My husband has a family friend named Jen,” she began. “Jen and I aren’t friends at all, but we are friends. When Jen had her first child, my husband bought an expensive item from her baby shower registry as a gift (about $300 USD if I remember correctly).’
The woman claimed she had no problem with the gift or how much her husband spent because it was a nice item to give as a gift and they were excited about the new baby.
But she immediately thought it strange when Jen became pregnant with another child a few years later and sent around an equally expensive register despite making a lot of money.
“Personally, I thought she still had most of her first child’s stuff and I didn’t think people usually completed their first baby showers/registrations.”
“I was also surprised that she asked for presents when she was still in her first trimester, but I’m a cautious person who didn’t announce my pregnancy until after 20 weeks.”
“I left it to my husband but told him I was surprised she was hosting another shower/gift event as she already has a young child and got brand new stuff.”
The woman originally claimed she had no problem with the baby shower gift or how much her husband spent because it was a nice item to gift and they were excited about the new baby
The woman then revealed that her husband bought a $400 USD gift for Jen, who suffered a traumatic miscarriage a few weeks later.
Jen was devastated and would probably never be able to carry another baby to term.
“It’s incredibly sad, and while I’m not close to Jen, my heart aches for her,” the woman said.
She then revealed that it has been a few months since the loss and the couple are unsure how to handle the gift.
“It’s not something she can use for her older child,” the woman clarified.
She then went through a list of “options” that she and her husband considered.
“Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like giving her grief an extra job, and it’s probably past the return window anyway.”
“I’m also not sure she’ll keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and for herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, and maybe she hasn’t made up her mind yet.” Asking her to pay us back also seems very cruel.’
“My husband and I earn quite a bit, but $400 USD is still a lot of money.”
“It’s one thing if she can enjoy it for a few years, that’s money well spent. But if it’s going to sit in a box for years. . . that’s where we get stuck.’
The woman said they would “preferably” get their money back, but it was also acceptable for them to re-gift the gift to someone who could use it.
“Jen was devastated and would probably never be able to carry another baby to term,” the woman said of her friend
Thousands were outraged at how insensitive the duo were about a woman’s grief.
‘It was a gift. It shouldn’t come with terms and conditions,” one person said. “You gave it away. It’s gone.’
“She just lost her baby and her fertility. When she’s ready, she’ll probably sell your gift and hopefully use the money for something that brings her joy,” said another.
“You have decided to spend a lot of money on a gift. You may give less in the future if you start feeling resentful later on. But don’t increase this woman’s pain so you can get your money back. That’s monstrous,” one woman added.
Another shared, “I used to think I should give extra (non-baby) gifts to my friends who miscarried. For example, take her to the spa or an activity to make her feel better. I didn’t know that people actively took away gifts after losses to make things extra difficult for their friends.’
“Further, given the circumstances (losing a baby), I’d be disappointed in myself if one of the first things that came to mind was, ‘Well, I guess she won’t need our expensive gift’ and would think to demand it. back,” one man wrote.