Do YOU suffer from ‘mom guilt’? Experts reveal how to overcome it

Thanks to the internet, new moms can share the best moments of motherhood, but also feel guilty for not being the “perfect Instagram parent.”

Parenting experts told DailyMail.com that every new parent goes through periods of crippling guilt where they feel like they don’t love their child as much as they should.

This is because people only post the best moments of new parenting and leave out the frustration, exhaustion, and breakdowns behind the scenes.

Emma Armstrong, a certified birth doula and hypnobirthing practitioner, said: ‘We are expected to bounce back, to be this social media perfect mother who breastfeeds our child and does everything ‘right’, in addition to being able to multitask as an octopus, oh and don’t forget we should all do it with a smile on our face. “We are doomed if we do and doomed if we don’t.”

Armstrong and fellow parenting expert Illiyin Morrison have shared common feelings of guilt they’ve observed in new parents and suggested ways to overcome the awful feeling.

Morrison, a British midwife and birth trauma expert at The Baby Show, told DailyMail.com that there are two kinds of “mother guilt,” one serves and the other shames.

“The guilt that shames you is that it only ties you up and makes you feel awful, but doesn’t push you to act,” she told DailyMail.com.

“The guilt that serves often spurs you into action and will make you think and ask yourself, ‘Wait a minute, what am I feeling guilty about and can I change it?'”

The guilt of being tired, frustrated and angry

Armstrong, also a birth expert on The Baby Show, said many parents beat themselves up when they get frustrated, tired and angry.

These feelings usually appear when you are exhausted from nighttime feedings and constantly worrying about your newborn.

“The truth is that feeling these emotions is so normal,” Armstrong said.

“It’s hard work and when social media shows us smiling faces of mothers and their children, we’re set for failure before we’ve even started.

“If you’re feeling frustrated and angry, know that right now is a positive start to overcoming those emotions.”

The guilt of sleeping together

Most parents are naturally inclined to sleep protectively near their baby, and data suggests that co-sleeping is on the rise in the US, where it has long been seen as a dangerous act.

Sleeping with your newborn is frowned upon because it’s associated with SIDS, the unexplained tragedy of healthy babies dying in their sleep.

But a 2022 poll found that 88 percent of parents choose to co-sleep because it makes them feel closer to their children.

“The guilt around choosing or trying different methods of sleep education or training can make you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing,” Armstrong said.

It is important for you to know that what feels right to you is also the right thing.

“Lowering your child’s sleep expectations can help you feel comfortable about their sleep patterns.

‘Babies and children go through a lot, especially the first three years. Their brains are developing and their sleep can change a lot.

Do yourself a favor and give yourself a break. The less pressure you put on yourself, the better. And if you need support and help, don’t hesitate to ask.’

The guilt of missing the old you

Parenting can be a joy, but it also means giving up the life you once had for a completely new one.

Many parents will crave their freedom – being able to go anywhere, anytime – which creates a huge sense of guilt.

“We feel like we’re losing ourselves. The truth is we lost that person, and it’s okay to mourn them! When you have a child, you go through a great transformation, a rebirth into a new you,” Armstrong said.

Still you, but more. I think this is a great way to look at it and to first of all reframe your thoughts on the changes.

“Look what you’ve become—how you’ve become human and entered a new part of your life!”

She went on to explain that new parents can find ways to honor their old lives, such as meeting up with friends, enjoying a cocktail, and making plans to go out.

“Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you can’t do things you used to do!” So find your tribe and go out. After all, the better you feel mentally, the easier it will be to create a more positive environment for you and your baby,” Armstrong said.

The guilt of going back to work

Many new parents also feel terrible about going back to work after spending months at home with their little ones, which also means being taken to daycare to be watched by strangers.

Armstrong urges moms and dads to show self-compassion during this time as they do what’s best for their families.

“Use the power of maternal intuition when choosing a daycare or childminder,” she said.

“Explain how you feel and call them if you want to be reassured.

“As with anything, changes can take some getting used to, but know that as long as you and your child have a secure bond, they’ll trust you no matter if they’re upset when they leave you in the morning.”

Be real

The perfect Instagram parent shows that they are actively creating, inventing and involving their whole being in their child’s daily activities.

“What you don’t see behind that image or video on Instagram is a mother trying to pull herself together, do the housework, walk the dog, prepare the healthy organic meals and run without sleep,” Armstrong said .

“These people are not superhuman. They are just like you and me. Don’t get caught up in the Instagram world of perfect.

“Challenge those negative beliefs. The best thing you can give your child is your time, and if you don’t have much of it, try to create a routine of when you can. You don’t have to do fancy activities or create something fantastic, just be present.’