My selfish children are trying to SUE me over their inheritance

Dear Jane,

I am 70 years old, widowed for two years and recently decided it is time to sell my house. I have three children, all grown and long gone, and the house is just too big to rattle around on my own. I want to downsize and find something affordable so I can save some money.

Who knows what the future holds, but I don’t want to find myself in a position where I’m forced to turn to my kids to cover medical expenses or funeral expenses or anything else.

However, when I sat my kids down to tell them about my decision, they threw what can only be described as a disgusting tantrum.

They claimed that I tried to destroy their childhood memories and the last memories of their father by selling the family home. They demanded that I hand over the house to them, that they rent it out and that I live on that money.

I said no. I’m ready to move on, the house – to me – is just a constant reminder of the man I lost, and I don’t want to have any sort of lasting connection with it anymore.

Now the kids have told me they have hired a lawyer to try and legally dissuade me from selling the property. They claim it is their inheritance and that I am trying to keep the money away from them.

The last thing I wanted at this point in my life was to get involved in a terrible family feud. I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior and can’t get over how selfish they are.

Their father would be furious with them, but right now I don’t know if the easiest thing is to just give them what they want so I can live in peace without the threat of a lawsuit from my own children.

Van, Humiliated Mother

Dear humiliated mother,

What a horrible thing you are going through, and rather feels like you are caught between a rock and a hard place – doing what you want risks estranging your children and presumably grandchildren from you forever, and doing what they want does not ignore only your own needs, but puts you in a precarious position financially.

And since keeping a house you no longer want is likely to lead to such resentments, it seems to me that your relationship with them will change anyway, if it hasn’t already.

But you do have options available to you.

First of all, you should consult a lawyer and maybe a tax attorney so they can look into how you and your children can all get what you want.

There seem to be several paths you can take. Whether it’s giving your kids the chance to buy the house (which I think is legally yours), or maybe (and I don’t know your financial circumstances) you’re helping to ‘finance’ their purchase of the house in exchange for a monthly stipend that allows you to live.

Which has nothing to do with the emotional trauma of your kids treating you like this, and how alone you must feel.

There’s a part of me that wants you to tell them where to shove it, and yet there would be no winning with that option. You are now 70 and all the research shows that we only get lonelier as we get older. I can’t think of anything worse than arguing with your entire family at this stage of your life.

Bring in a few experts, check out the options, get your kids involved in those conversations and meetings so they can be a part of you working this all out. It doesn’t have to be A or B, there are lots of creative ways you can find to make you all, if not completely happy, then at least comfortable.

Dear Jane,

I’ve been in a relationship for four years, but his mom doesn’t like me because of my identity. I am a visa holder who is not a permanent resident of this country.

He fought a lot for us and argued with his family, and as you can imagine, things didn’t go well. We are both Christian so we have been praying a lot as we want the blessing of our families but it is proving incredibly hard to get.

Without the issue of our families, the relationship is great. We take care of each other, we are focused on our work and studying.

But sometimes I felt lonely and frustrated. I understand that I don’t need his family’s approval to define who I am as a person. But I can’t stop myself from thinking about my future and where this is all going… What I want and how to do it.

I am happy with my boyfriend, but I can’t force him to fight for me with his family.

Things between me and his mom got better last year, after we attended a few family events together – but we still don’t talk much or feel like we connect well.

I’ve tried to let go and leave the country, but it’s too hard for me to leave him. How can I know how to continue or give up?

I know I have to take care of myself and put my needs first. But I built a house here and don’t want to leave behind the friends I made. I feel stuck in limbo and not sure which way to go, especially without my family here to support me.

From How to Love Myself

Dear How to Love Myself,

My heart goes out to you because there is nothing lonelier than to feel that you are not hated when you have left your country of origin and a family you love.

What you don’t say is how your boyfriend feels about his family treating you this way, only that you can’t force him to fight with his family, which leads me to believe that you don’t feel supported by your partner on top of that.

Here’s what I do know: unless your boyfriend fully supports you and tells his family that he chose you and that they should respect not only his choice, but also you, this is only going to get worse. The fact that this hurts you enough to write to me – without you being married, with no children involved – tells me that not only does the way his family treat you hurt so much, but he doesn’t either. is. standing up for you, adding to your loneliness and isolation.

I imagine him feeling caught in the middle, pulled in both directions, unable to satisfy one of the two most important women in his life, and yet by not being firm with his family, he shows you your future.

I don’t know that you necessarily have to go back home once you’ve built a life for yourself, but I do know that unless your boyfriend chooses you, as in, his family makes it very clear that you are his life partner and that he won’t tolerate that they treat you with anything other than kindness and respect, this will not be an easy life for you.

I think you can achieve anything together, but only if he puts his full effort into you and stands up for you in front of his family.

Otherwise, you’re looking at more pain and upset. Have this conversation with him, calmly and lovingly. He should support you and make that very clear to his family. If he can’t or won’t, then we both know the answer to your question.

I wish you the best and send you a big, supportive hug.