Samantha X: These are the three red flags your husband is cheating on you
My decade in the adult industry taught me that being an escort costs a lot of money, how to tell if someone is dangerous, and that women get sexier after 40.
Most of all, I learned more about men’s behavior than any self-help book or therapy course could ever teach me.
In a previous column, I talked about the reasons men cheat, and I made it very clear: not all men.
But if it’s not all men, then who is it? And how do you know if it’s your man?
I hate to break it to you, but if you suspect your husband is cheating, he probably is. Women’s gut feeling is rarely wrong.
More bad news: More than often, there’s no way to prove it. Many men cheat on their partner for years, even decades, and just get away with it.
Whether that’s ignorance is bliss, women just don’t care anymore (and maybe even relieved) or they really have absolutely no idea, I can’t answer that. I suspect more women turn a blind eye than we think.
My decade in the adult industry taught me that being an escort costs a lot of money, how to tell if someone is dangerous, and that women get sexier after 40, writes Sam X.
Let’s face it, leaving isn’t easy. You have to explain it to the kids, face a possible lawsuit over finances, plus the old “what would people think?”
Most people are also afraid of growing old alone. Personally, I’m afraid of growing old with the wrong person, but who am I to judge.
Many men and women choose to stay because the alternative can frankly be more difficult.
Esther Perel, psychotherapist and author of The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, says, “The great illusion of committed love is that we think our mates are ours… Monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now monogamy means one person at a time.”
She is right.
What are the signs that your husband is cheating on you and why?
The signs?
1) They come home with wet hair if it hasn’t rained
2) Your marriage suddenly improves
3) His work habits have changed
The reasons?
1) Someone to talk to
2) They miss foreplay
3) You had an affair
Many men and women choose to stay because the alternative can frankly be more difficult
If you suspect that your husband is cheating; here’s a checklist and a disclaimer: if he ticks any of the below, don’t file for divorce just yet; just ask him. Although most men are good liars, they do have a conscience. And I could also be wrong.
1) They come home with wet hair if it hasn’t rained. If he comes home with wet hair on a sunny day, think about that. Unless there was a small rain cloud hanging over his head specifically, where did he shower? Unless he’s the type to rinse off at the gym before home time (and you’ll know it), he took his clothes off in a bathroom that wasn’t yours.
2) Your marriage suddenly improves. He’s happier at home, gives you more attention than usual, even your sex life is better. He buys you gifts for no reason and he finally does all the chores you’ve been nagging him for months. He brings you flowers, tells you how much he loves you more often and is suddenly more romantic and grateful. He could have just realized that he married a wonderful woman; or he could be sleeping with another woman. Either someone else fulfills his needs so that he is less resentful at home, or he is consumed with guilt.
Don’t let the fear of being too old stop you from leaving. As the lady of my own escort agency, I know that women over 40 are in their sexiest decade yet – and why adult escorts are men’s most popular request
3) His work habits have changed. He has more meetings than usual, his phone is turned off during the day and he is harder to reach than usual. He’s suddenly cutting more overtime, more dinners with clients, and more conferences he just has to go to — and he’s complaining about it. Does he take his phone into the bathroom and put it upside down? Does he have a second phone? Is he withdrawing more money than usual from the ATM?
I don’t have to tell you all this; I know deep down you already know. Denial is powerful, fueled by fear. Some men say seeing an escort is not cheating – I have news for those men: yes, it is. So are you staying or are you leaving? That’s up to you. Plenty of marriages can beat infidelity.
But don’t let the fear of being too old stop you from leaving. As the lady of my own escort agency, I know that women over 40 are in their sexiest decade yet – and why adult escorts are men’s most popular request.
Fascinated? Find out next time.