I’m a psychologist – these are the five phrases you should never say to your child
Telling upset children not to cry, that they are okay, and that there is nothing to be afraid of may seem like reassuring words to parents.
But now a psychologist has revealed that such expressions may be doing more harm than good to young people.
In addition to making kids feel invalid, the above comments can cause them to suppress their emotions and not open up in the future.
That’s according to Dr. Amanda Gummer, who told MailOnline the five sentences parents shouldn’t say.
How a parent handles and reacts to a child’s emotion can drastically affect how they manage it in the future (stock image)
‘Stop crying’ or ‘do not Cry’
It can be tempting to beg a child to stop crying.
However, according to Dr. Gummer, founder of the children’s consultancy FUNdamentally Children, it can lead young people to suppress their feelings.
She said: ‘It’s important for children to express their emotions and crying can be a natural and healthy way to do that.
“Telling a child to stop or not to cry can make them feel embarrassed or have their emotions out of whack.”
Parents should tell upset children that they understand how they feel, according to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.
It also recommends using a book or drawing their attention to something else if a child is crying as part of a tantrum.
How parents should deal with their child’s stress, according to a psychologist
Dr. Amanda Gummer, a psychologist from Hertfordshire, has revealed to MailOnline how parents can cope with their children’s stress.
Create a safe and supportive environment: Children need to feel safe and supported to cope with stress.
Learn relaxation techniques: Learning relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help children calm their minds and bodies when they are stressed.
Encourage exercise: Regular exercise can help reduce stress and improve mood – and can lead by example! It can really help to find fun activities to do together as a family.
Develop good sleeping habits: Children need adequate sleep to function properly and manage stress. Parents can encourage healthy sleep habits by establishing a consistent bedtime routine and creating a calm and comfortable sleep environment.
Promote positive self-talk: Encouraging children to talk positively to themselves can help them build resilience and cope with stress.
“It doesn’t matter” or “I’m fine”
Parents may think they are reassuring their child by telling them that they are fine, or that they are upset over nothing.
But Dr Gummer, who also founded The Good Play Guide, which provides expert reviews on toys and advice on how to play with children, said it’s essential not to downplay their emotions.
Instead of making them feel better, these sentences run the risk of tricking a child into believing their feelings aren’t important, she said.
She added, “Even if the situation seems minor to an adult, it can be a big deal to a child.
“Minimizing their feelings can make them feel rejected or invalid.”
Instead, parents should reassure their child with comments such as “I’m here for you” or “I see you’re upset, would you like to talk about it?” Dr. Gummer said.
“I told you so” or “you should have known better”
Phrases that criticize children for making a mistake are useless, Dr. Gummer said.
Young people are curious and by blaming them for a problem, they can keep them from going to their parents for help in the future.
She said, “Blaming or shaming a child for their distress can make them feel worse and discourage them from seeking help or opening up in the future.”
Experts have also warned that even if parents think these phrases are teaching their child a lesson, they are actually raising their defenses.
As a result, young people are less likely to learn from the experience.
“Don’t be afraid” or “Don’t bethere’s nothing to be afraid of here’
Monsters in the closet, barking dogs, and loud thunderstorms are all common childhood fears.
And telling them not to be scared or scared may seem like comforting advice.
But in fact it obscures the root of a child’s feelings.
Dr. Gummer said, “Ignoring a child’s fears can leave them feeling alone and unsupported. Instead, affirm their feelings and offer reassurance and support.”
The US-based charity, the Child Mind Institute, recommends taking a child’s fears seriously, asking why something seems scary, and setting goals to overcome them.
Psychologist Dr. Amanda Gummer has revealed to MailOnline which sentences you shouldn’t say to children
“Just cheer up” or “be happy”
Telling a child to “cheer up” or “be happy” when upset may seem like practical advice.
But can make them feel like it’s not okay to be sad, Dr. Gunner.
Whether a pet or loved one has passed away, or a friend has moved on, kids need to be told it’s okay to be sad, experts say.
Dr. Gunner said, “It’s not always easy to just ‘cheer up’ when you’re feeling down or upset.
“This can make a child feel like their feelings aren’t valid or that they shouldn’t feel sad or upset.”