AMBER ATHEY: Brady says he ‘wouldn’t change a thing’ after spiking marriage to Gisele

Without regrets.

It’s not just the world’s stupidest slogan and most ill-advised tattoo. It’s also Tom Brady’s new catchphrase.

The seven-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback announced Wednesday that he is officially retiring from the NFL, this time “forever.”

Brady initially said he would hang up his helmet after the 2021-22 season … only to backtrack on his decision just 40 days later.

At least this time he had enough self-awareness to avoid any great fanfare. He posted a simple selfie video on his Twitter account to let fans know that he was leaving the game.

‘Good morning guys. I’ll get to the point right away,’ the quarterback said. ‘I retire…’

She finished with tears in her eyes: ‘Thank you guys for allowing me to live my absolute dream. I would not change anything.

Um, what about the lack of retirement that killed your marriage?

Brady’s announcement comes after a dismal losing season with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the dissolution of his 13-year marriage to supermodel Gisele Bunchden.

Oh.

After Brady made an audible call on this first recall, Gisele wasn’t happy, and for good reason.

She put her successful modeling career on the back burner for over a decade to raise Tom’s children, while he devoted his life to soccer, and Gisele finally wanted her man back home.

Tom has admitted in the past that he missed Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, funerals and weddings due to his myopic approach to his football career.

But apparently he was not happy with the new arrangement. He bitterly acknowledged on his podcast that his removal was more his family’s decision than his own.

“I said this a few years ago, that’s what relationships are all about,” Brady said. It’s not always what I want. It is what we want as a family. And I’m going to spend a lot of time with them and find out in the future what’s next.’

Marriage requires communication and commitment, but the narcissistic Tom wasn’t interested.

He spiked the ball in Gisele’s face when he withdrew, and the marriage fell apart from there.

I’ve done my part, which is [to] be there for [Tom]’ Gisele said in a September interview with Elle magazine. “I moved to Boston, and focused on creating a cocoon and a loving environment for my children to grow up and be there supporting him and his dreams.”

Just a month later, the couple confirmed that they would be getting a divorce.

I would not change anything?

Have you seen Gisele’s latest photo shoot?

I don’t think so, unless Brady wants to say that this experience has taught him a valuable lesson: Don’t fly too close to the sun.

Only an NFL superstar could embody the arrogance necessary to think that he could still compete against the best athletes in the world at age 40.

Yes, apparently he has the willpower of a monk. He refrains from eating even tomatoes due to their inflammatory properties. But no mortal man can stop time. And no player can carry the weight of an NFL team.

Now, instead of going off in a blaze of glory, Brady spent his final NFL season angry and isolated.

He missed several practices early in the season due to “personal things.”

The Buccaneers finished the season with a losing 8-10 record and only made the playoffs because every other team in the division was somehow worse off.

They lost their first playoff game to the Dallas Cowboys, 31-14.

Throughout the year, Brady lost games to teams led by backup quarterbacks and rookies. On several occasions he could be seen yelling at his companions with utter fury.

In a September game against the New Orleans Saints, Brady broke two tablets in frustration. One of the incidents was recorded.

Brady could be seen slamming the helpless piece of technology into the ground. The incident prompted the NFL to send out a league-wide memo warning players they could face “significant fines” for breaking up teams.

It wasn’t pretty.

And he had to do it all without the support of his estranged wife, and his best friend, Rob Gronkowski, who actually stayed retired last year.

If we’re dealing in clichés anyway… ‘no man is an island’, Tom.

For her part, Gisele is living her best life.

She sneaks out with her jiu-jitsu instructor, Joaquim Valente, and returns to her modeling career.

He has already shot commercials for major luxury brands including Louis Vuitton and Burberry.

Meanwhile, Tom is “very anxious about” the huge $375 million broadcast contract with Fox Sports that he signed last May and was rumored to be dating a Slovakian model.

Sure, it will be fine, but there is no winner in this situation.

Gisele may feel “safe and strong and knows she made the right decision,” as a source close to her claimed, but a broken marriage is always devastating.

This is especially true when children are involved.

Tom’s eldest son already has to navigate splitting time between his mother, Tom’s ex Bridget Moynahan, and the woman who helped raise him, Gisele.

Now, Tom and Gisele will have to figure out how to peacefully co-parent their two children as Gisele travels back and forth between their homes in Miami and Costa Rica.

Could things get worse for Tom? Well, reports indicate that Gisele will soon reveal all about the couple’s divorce in a cover story for Vanity Fair.

Gisele apparently feels that Tom was not “attentive” to her needs.

His legacy will be that he was one of the best NFL quarterbacks of all time. However, it may also be that he wasn’t the best family man, despite what his Twitter bio might say.

As the sun finally sets on Brady’s football career, if he doesn’t regret it, he should.