Psychologists reveal biggest relationship deal-breakers

Everyone has their pet peeves and traits that they avoid when looking for a potential mate.

But a new analysis of a psychological study has revealed that there are six key “red flags” that most men and women say can kill any chance of romance, and surprisingly, infidelity was not one of them.

The six traits considered the most serious red flags for the men and women surveyed were being ‘gross’, ‘unmotivated’, ‘apathetic’, ‘promiscuous’, ‘clingy’ and ‘addicted’ – that is, someone who had a problem with alcohol or substances. Or a criminal past.

The study of US college students looked at how each of them ranked for short- and long-term relationships and how it varied between men and women.

Someone who is “disgusting,” a term that encompasses poor hygiene and being “unattractive,” was ranked highly as a turnoff in short- and long-term relationships (file image)

Unsurprisingly, apathy, meaning a partner doesn’t pay attention or care, is the biggest red flag for a long-term relationship between men and women.

This was closely followed by someone being ‘disgusting’, a term that encompasses poor hygiene and being ‘unattractive’.

In third place is ‘clinging’, which the study described as a cover for controlling behavior and being overzealous.

Addiction is another big turnoff in long-term relationships, whether it’s to alcohol, substance addiction, or a criminal history.

Lack of motivation, ambition, and limited financial prospects is another deciding factor for men and women when it comes to looking for a long-term connection.

Apathy dropped to third in the rankings when it came to short-term relationships, with a potential love interest listed as “disgusting.”

This was followed by someone being ‘sticky’ to what someone intended to be a shorter adventure.

But men and women differ on what they think is most unpleasant in short-term relationships: promiscuity or lack of motivation.

Women still rated the unmotivated as less attractive than the promiscuous, while men rated the promiscuous worse than the unmotivated.

People who said they were open to sex without commitment identified less with all the red flags besides attachment in long-term relationships.

The survey participants, conducted in 2015 and reanalyzed in a recent article for Personality and Individual Differences (2023), were 285 US college students with an average age of 22.

Discussing recent findings in an article for psychology todaypsychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner explains that it can be difficult to spot red flags early on as people try to portray the best version of themselves.

But, she says, it’s obviously preferable to catch them as soon as possible “and not after a meaningful bond has been formed,” weighing the pros and cons of a potential love interest frequently and “wisely.”

‘How to do relationships well remains elusive. People often have a list of what they want, which on the one hand, identifying desirable traits, makes sense.

Addiction, for example to alcohol or other substances, was another factor that discouraged people from dating.

“But it also poses the risk of finding someone who ‘checks the boxes’ without generating further attraction or connection,” he warns.

He suggests that the list of factors could help people “facilitate positive change.”

This suggests that the research could help people identify potential red flags in themselves, allowing them to avoid displaying unfavorable traits when trying to attract a partner, as well as when searching for a potential love interest.

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