Psychologist reveals 5 signs you have anxious attachment style

By William On Dec 15, 2022

A British psychologist has revealed five signs that you may have an anxious attachment style in your relationships.

Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Hampshire, has over 4.2 million followers on Tik Tokwhere he shares videos on topics related to mental health.

In a recent videoHe shared some signs that you may have an anxious attachment style, as well as some tips on what to do if the signs he describes in the video sound familiar.

Attachment styles refer to the way people relate to others. Originally coined by British psychologist John Bowlby in 1969, an individual’s attachment style is believed to be influenced by their early relationship with their primary caregiver.

A psychologist has revealed a list of signs that you may have an anxious attachment style in a recent video on TikTok (file image)

There are four attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.

Anxiously attached people tend to have low self-esteem, a negative image of themselves and a positive image of others, and a need for more contact and intimacy in their relationships with others.

Captioning her video, Dr. Smith wrote: “If some of the points in this video sound familiar, anxious attachment styles are worth reading in more depth.”

‘The first step is to raise awareness of where these patterns come from and how they are affecting your adult relationships now.

@drjuliesmith

Unfortunately, the number 1 is very common 😞 👉MORE TIPS ON THIS BELOW • If some of the points in this video sound familiar, it’s worth reading more about anxious attachment styles. • The first step is to raise awareness of where these patterns come from and how they are affecting your adult relationships now. • It is worth remembering that you did not choose this. But you don’t have to be at the mercy of it either. • Patterns helped you feel secure as a child, but now they are outdated and tend to cause problems in adult relationships. So try not to be too hard on yourself when you follow the old patterns. They are difficult cycles to break because they worked for many years. 👉For more information on attachment styles, check out the link in my bio to my book, Why Hasn’t Anyone Told Me This Before?

♬ original sound – Dr. Julie | Psychologist

It is worth remembering that you did not choose this. But you don’t have to be at the mercy of that either.’

He added that “patterns that helped you feel secure as a child … are now out of date … and tend to cause problems in adult relationships.”

What are the four attachment styles?

Attachment theory was developed by psychologist John Bowlby to explain how the emotional bond shared by infants and their caregivers can influence the way they form romantic relationships.

Attachment styles refer to the way people relate to others. There are four attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.

anxious attachmentWhat occurs when the baby’s needs are sometimes, but not always, met results in individuals who long for intimacy but are eager for their emotional needs to be met by their romantic partners.

avoidant attachment The result is that the caregiver ignores the emotional needs of the baby. These people often prefer to avoid intimate relationships.

disorganized attachment it can often be the result of growing up in a chaotic home. These individuals tend to keep their partner at a distance, to avoid emotional intensity.

secure attachment it is the result of the caregiver meeting the emotional needs of the infant, and securely attached individuals tend to have a positive image of both themselves and others.

“So try not to be too hard on yourself when you follow the old patterns,” he said.

“These are difficult cycles to break because they worked for many years.”

When it comes to the five signs of an anxious attachment style in your relationships, Dr. Smith listed the first as difficulty trusting your partner.

She said: “So you’re constantly looking for reassurance, but sometimes your partner sees it as controlling or clingy.”

Another sign the psychologist mentioned was feeling dependent on your partner, which means that “when you don’t have full access to them, it can lead to feelings of anxiety or even jealousy.”

Another sign listed by Dr. Smith was having a low opinion of oneself and feeling worthless at times.

However, she notes, “you see your partner in a much more positive light.”

According to Dr. Smith, another sign of the anxious attachment style in relationships is “only feeling enough when you have your partner’s approval.”

Finally, in the video, the psychologist listed as her final cue tolerating “unhealthy behaviors that you know are toxic, because you feel that ending that would confirm that core belief that you are somehow useless and disgusting.”

The clip seemed to strike a chord with numerous viewers.

Some took to the comments section to talk about their own experiences with the signs Dr. Julie Smith listed in her video, with some saying they were experiencing or had experienced these signs in the past.

One revealed: “I just explained my relationship and I didn’t even realize it.”

Another added: “Wow, this is exactly how I feel in my relationship.”

And a third said, ‘That was my previous relationship in a nutshell. My current relationship has none of that.

Another wrote: ‘This is me. Hard to admit, but these are my flaws.

According to another viewer: “Oh, I definitely have an anxious attachment style.”