My husband was never one of the ‘creepy’ dads we all look out for, yet he did something unforgivable to our daughter. It took just one question to expose his shocking secret

I had been married to my ex-husband for twelve years and thought we had the perfect Mormon family with four kids and a dog.

Jason seemed like a great father and husband – he helped with chores, picked up the kids from school, read them bedtime stories and taught in the community.

We met when I was 22, tied the knot after a year of dating, and eight months after the wedding I found out I was pregnant. Then we moved to Utah, lived in a nice neighborhood and had the life I had always dreamed of.

I knew he wasn’t perfect. I discovered early in our marriage that he had a porn addiction and we tried to work through that, but I never thought he would turn out to be a monster who would harass our daughter Lauren.

And neither does anyone else. He never acted creepy around our daughter or her friends, and no one in our lives saw it coming.

But mothers always know when something is wrong, and when Lauren was nine, I noticed subtle changes in her behavior.

She seemed to smile less, she became more timid and anxious, her self-esteem plummeted, and she suffered from constant urinary tract infections.

Then one Sunday we were sitting in church and Jason was frustrated with something. Lauren sat next to me and asked, “Is Dad mad at me?”

“Why would he be mad at you?” I replied. She didn’t respond, but I thought it was strange that she immediately blamed herself for her father’s bad mood.

When she became quieter and crankier and stopped eating, I started to worry, but the thought that it could be Jason still hadn’t occurred to me.

I asked her if anyone was hurting her, behaving inappropriately toward her, or making her feel uncomfortable, but she just scrunched up her face at the questions and shook her head no.

I understand now that she didn’t realize she was being abused, didn’t know what the word meant, or even what it was.

Despite her denials, my motherly instincts told me to look deeper, and after doing some research, I decided to approach the subject in a different way.

“Do you have a secret?” I asked Laurens.

Again she said “no,” but added, “He didn’t say I shouldn’t tell you, just that I didn’t have to.”

A shock of fear and horror went through my body, but I tried to hide my growing panic and asked her who she was talking about.

She told me her father had made her feel uncomfortable, but didn’t go into details, and even though my mind was racing, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

I asked if her clothes were on, and she looked at me in genuine shock and said, “Yes, of course they were.”

The last thing I wanted to do was put an idea in her head, so I asked, “Do you feel unsafe with Dad?” She said no.

“Is there anything I should do?” I continued. She said no again, and I started to doubt myself, thinking maybe I had the wrong idea, or was pushing too hard.

When I talked to Jason about it, he mentioned that Lauren might have been embarrassed after he asked her about her UTI symptoms and where the pain was, and I started to think there had just been a misunderstanding.

Around the same time, his porn addiction was taking a toll on our marriage, we were sleeping in separate bedrooms, and he started talking to our bishop about our problems.

But when he got home, he vaguely alluded to abusing Lauren, like it was something we’d talked about before, and he seemed excited to get it off his chest.

I was stunned, but maybe I was in denial and still wanted to believe it wasn’t true. So without telling Jason, I went to the bishop to ask him what they had been talking about.

But when I started to explain, he stopped me. “You need to know that I am a mandated reporter and if there is abuse in your home, I have to report it,” he said.

Then he asked me, “Jackie, is there abuse in your home?” And I replied, ‘Maybe I don’t know.’

He told me that Jason had not said anything to him about abuse during his visit, which set off alarm bells for both of us, and he helped me start the process of contacting Child Protective Services.

However, I knew I had to talk to Lauren about it first, so a few days later, as we were in the car on the way to her art class, I brought it up.

“Hey, Lauren, you talked to me about something Dad did, and I didn’t know the right questions to ask you at the time, and maybe I should just let you talk. That’s why I’m asking you again to tell me what happened. And I’m not going to interrupt you or say anything right now, I just want you to talk to me,” I said.

Her answer removed all doubt.

She told me he touched her inappropriately. One time it happened when she was sitting on his lap and watching videos on the computer in our home office.

Then she left the room and sat alone on the couch, and he came to her and said, “Your mother and I have talked to you before about how you should never let anyone touch you.

“I was testing you to see if you would stop me, but you didn’t, and you should have. You should never let anyone do that to you, not even my family, not even me.”

She said she didn’t tell me because she thought she had failed a test and was deeply ashamed.

Then memories came flooding back about other things my daughter had told me in the past that were probably the result of abuse.

When she was younger, I was putting her to bed one night and she was really angry about something.

She said, “Mom, Dad told me there was a flashlight in his pocket, but it wasn’t there. I know it wasn’t.’ And I was like, ‘Okay, what?’

She kept saying that he was trying to get her to look for the flashlight, but she knew it wasn’t there and was very upset about it. I didn’t understand it at the time, but now I know why she was so angry.

Even though she was so young, she knew this wasn’t right.

While we were in the car together, I made it clear to her that she didn’t have to face him again and that she didn’t have to worry. I reassured her that she had done nothing wrong.

When she went to her art class, I had a panic attack in the front seat.

Once I calmed myself down, I sent Jason a message telling him I knew what he had done and that he couldn’t be home when we got back.

I let him know when we were on our way so he could leave, and asked him not to panic our three sons.

Two days later, Lauren and I went to an interview with child protective services, and the police made an appointment to pick up his computers.

That afternoon, December 15, 2016, he was arrested. He was charged with two counts of aggravated sexual abuse and served three years in prison. He now has no parental rights and cannot see his children.

Now Lauren is 19 and will study environmental sciences in August. She has worked hard to put the pieces of herself back together as best she can, and has grown into an incredible person.

After everything I’ve been through, I now know that the average person’s understanding of child molesters is based on inaccurate stereotypes and clichés, and that was true for me too.

My ignorance on the subject made me look for signs that my husband wasn’t showing, and I didn’t understand that abuse can happen for more than one reason.

None of the reasons are justified, of course, but it is important to know that there are different levels and types of abusers.

My final message is this: If your child is a victim, your support will make or break his or her ability to heal. Such trauma will lead to such a broken life unless they receive support. And I’m proud that I was the mother Lauren had when she needed me most.

• As told to Carina Stathis