I just had the worst date of my life. I now know why we are in a ‘male loneliness epidemic’ – and how to fix it. JANA HOCKING says what women have been quietly thinking for years

Well, 2025 has started with the worst ‘accidental date’ of my life.

It all started with a picnic in the park with friends. We laughed, drank coffee, worked on our tans, and talked way too loudly about our sex lives, which drew some questionable looks from those sitting near us. Glorious morning. No notes.

But then a male friend of one of the girls joined us. He was from out of town, and sure, it felt a little random that there was a guy participating in what was clearly a girls’ morning, but what are you going to do?

Let’s call him Roger (because, honestly, he gave Randy Roger vibes).

First, he declared himself an entrepreneur. “Oh, cool,” I said, cringing a little at yet another guy who called himself an “entrepreneur.” I.

“What’s your business?” Do you hear the vague answer, which is about the fact that you are an influencer, but not an influencer, but work in an ‘influencer industry’?

It also sounded like he worked in sales, but when I asked if he worked in sales, he said no, but kept talking about sales.

WTF? I was even more confused than before I asked. First red flag.

A later look at his Instagram revealed that he was in one of those weird pyramid schemes disguised as ‘building a personal brand’, and there were lots of cringe-worthy ‘wealth mindset’ videos using a whiteboard… most of which were in had a total of seven likes.

Look, I’m all for self-promotion, but if your biggest fan is your mom, it might be time to rethink the strategy.

He then launched into a monologue about his ex-wife, who was apparently the “laziest, most entitled woman ever” (ouch), before focusing on how much money he makes and the flashy vacations he takes.

News flash: if you’re really into it, you don’t have to announce it every five minutes.

Like I said, red flag, red flag, red flag. It was torture. So we all went back to our fun, girly conversations, and that was that.

Until I told him I was going for drinks that afternoon and he invited himself. My friend who introduced him to the group (she’s one of those incredibly nice girls who makes friends with everyone) had to work and he was looking for things to do. She looked at me begging to take him to the drinks, so I mumbled “sure” and went home to get ready.

By the time I reached my car, she had texted me saying he was interested in me and that she would set up an afternoon meeting place in a group chat.

I felt like I was being tricked into a date I didn’t want to go on. Can’t a girl get a margarita on a Sunday afternoon in peace?

Later that afternoon he showed up during drinks and made a song and dance about giving everyone a round of drinks (which we later found out had been added to our bill).

Then came the moment that still makes me cringe.

Roger grabbed my phone. Yes, he grabbed it out of my hand without being asked to ‘prove a point’.

The point he really wanted to make in front of everyone was how boring my Instagram was. Excuse me, what?

He wanted to give me ‘feedback’ – specifically on a cheeky video I made about vibrators that had reached over 4.3 million people, had 31.5 thousand likes and was something I was quietly very proud of.

Apparently a real lady wouldn’t talk about vibrators so publicly. Well, the man picked the wrong audience to represent as ‘alpha’.

It was an obvious “denial” tactic taught to men all over the world by a terribly famous book called The Game.

For those unfamiliar with this book, The Game by Neil Strauss was the bible for wannabe pickup artists in the early 2000s.

It promised to turn socially awkward men into irresistible Casanovas with tactics like “negging” (insults disguised as compliments) and other cringe-worthy routines.

Think, “Make her feel insecure, and she’ll want you even more.” Bah.

Why the commotion? It essentially turned dating into a manipulative Olympics, reducing women to prizes to be won.

Sure, it sold millions, but it also led to a toxic culture where men treated relationships like games instead of real connections.

Clearly this man had read it – and since the book’s release, its lessons have been recycled on toxic corners of the internet, rebranded for a new generation of ‘alpha’ wannabes.

The old “treat ’em mean, keep ’em sharp” trick – something most of us thankfully left behind on the schoolyard years ago – was completely effective.

This tactic he thought would make me swoon? Well, he miscalculated spectacularly.

My friends came up to him like a bunch of mama bears and gave him a verbal slap that made him run to the other side of the table while apologizing profusely. Oh, how I love my friends.

But he wasn’t done yet. As we all said goodbye, he asked if he could take me out to dinner later in the week.

Now I’d like to say I cut him off a bit, but at this stage I started to feel a little sorry for this misguided man, so I politely fobbed him off with, ‘Yes, let me look at my diary and back to you.’

As I walked home in some disbelief across from the guy I’d just met, I started wondering, “Is this really what’s happening now?” And more importantly, why are so many men like Roger showing up?

The answer, dear reader, lies in the so-called “male loneliness epidemic.”

Research shows that men are lonelier than ever, especially middle-aged and divorced men. And while loneliness is heartbreaking, some respond in the wrong way, by diving headlong into toxic internet advice on how to “win” at dating.

Enter a tidal wave of “alpha” jargon, dismissive tactics, and unappealing attempts to mask insecurity with bravado.

The point is: women’s standards are rising. We are well-educated, ambitious and emotionally self-confident.

We are not looking for perfection, but we are looking for respect, kindness and a genuine connection.

The internet scammers selling men ‘quick fixes’ to their dating problems? They sell lies. So let me share some hard truths for the men among us:

How Men Can Be More Attractive (Without the Toxicity)

Throw away the negation

Insults wrapped in compliments don’t make you look smart or desirable; they make you look insecure (and we assume you have a small penis).

We women have worked hard enough on our self-esteem not to see it crumble because a man is intimidated. Real compliments are sexy; niggers are mean.

Stop talking about money

If you’re rich, fine. But no woman worth her salt will date you because of your bank balance.

We’re looking for emotional depth and funny jokes, not receipts for a boat.

Money chatting = snoring. Tell us something worth leaning into.

Treat your ex with respect

Speaking bad language to your ex usually says more about you than it does about her.

If you can’t talk about your past relationships with grace, maybe don’t say anything at all. It’s a huge letdown.

Be curious and not stubborn

Ask questions instead of dominating the conversation. Show genuine interest in the person you are speaking to.

Believe me, this is where the magic happens. When someone tells us something, we look for the nearest exit.

Go offline (sometimes)

Those toxic guy videos that tell you how to “charm her pants down” are designed to get clicks, not build relationships.

Find mentors or friends who build healthy, respectful relationships and learn from them instead.

Not these YouTube weirdos who sit in their basement and jerk off about how men should be dominant beings.

Roger, and men like him, are not inherently bad. They are simply lost and clinging to toxic ideologies that promise quick solutions to complex problems.

But until they change their tune, they will remain part of the “male loneliness epidemic” and wonder why women are swiping left faster than they can say “alpha.”

The solution? It’s not about wealth or status. It’s about respect, empathy and real human connection.

And until Roger finds out, he ignores himself all the way to an empty bed.