My sister-in-law is trying to push me out of the family but won’t tell me what I did wrong – people say she is ‘icing me out’ of the inheritance

A woman revealed that she was looking for answers after her sister-in-law, with whom she was close, started ‘ignoring’ her one day and even blocked her from messaging without explanation.

The English mother-of-two was stunned on parenting platform Mumsnet when she revealed that her husband’s sibling had even started telling people that she was ‘draining’ her husband financially – despite both working as teachers and splitting all bills equally.

When her partner messaged his sister for answers, she denied ever saying so and claimed his wife could not be ‘trusted’.

Now the woman is at a loss, because she still doesn’t understand what she did – and she’s worried about the family gathering at Christmas.

Many rushed to the comments to give her some advice, with some suggesting her sister-in-law could freeze her out of the inheritance.

The message read: ‘My SIL [sister-in-law] has made it clear that she doesn’t like me. We used to be good friends and the same mutual friends.

‘One day I called MIL [mother-in-law] home and my SIL completely ignores me. I asked if she had done anything, but she just ignored me. I texted her, she blocked me.

‘This went on for months. I found this extremely uncomfortable, so I decided not to bother with her either. My MIL pulled me aside to say I was being extremely rude, I explained that SIL hadn’t spoken to me in a while and I asked what was wrong.

‘MIL said maybe I should call DD’s less often, [Darling daughter] especially when SIL is there. I asked if she knew something I didn’t? She said she didn’t want to get involved.’

The woman further claimed her partner spoke to his sister on the phone but was told his wife ‘couldn’t be trusted’ and ‘he could do better’ before angrily hanging up on her.

She continued, “Mutual friends recently told me that she said I was draining my DH financially (we are both teachers and shared all the bills), he was fun until he married me.

“Since she blocked me, I messaged my DH to see what was going on. Apparently I made it all up. I contacted the mutual friends to ask if what they were saying was all true. I was ignored.

‘There will be family gatherings in the run up to Christmas and I don’t want my SIL to get to me. I wish I knew what I was doing or what I should have done. Any suggestions?’

Many people gave advice, with some telling her to distance herself as it sounds ‘toxic’, while others encouraged her to stand up for herself.

One wrote: ‘I would distance myself. they sound poisonous. SIL is already ghosting you. MIL has asked you to reduce the number of visits.

‘Why would you run after these people? Let it go and focus on your own little family and friends. I would skip the Christmas staff with them too. Been in this situation. The sooner you realize you’re better off without them, the better.’

Another said: ‘I think Christmas is your chance to make things public and respond to any invitations to spend time with them with a polite ‘No thank you, it’s clear SIL has a problem with me has that you are all aware of. but I don’t want to talk to you about it, and I don’t feel comfortable in your company until it’s settled.”

‘That way you can’t be accused of anything underhanded because you’ve clearly stated what the problem is and why they don’t want to see you.

“If you’re concerned about DH’s relationship with his family, maybe give him the opportunity to go to family gatherings alone or with the kids. Let it be known loud and clear that you are not willing to get involved in their business.”

Someone else said: ‘I agree with others. Learn some assertive behavior and phrases and stop being such a pushover. Take MIL at her word and visit less. She will soon regret her choice if it means she doesn’t get to see her GC.’

Meanwhile, a fourth said: ‘OP, she’s actively looking to confront you so at some point you have to avoid cringing when she does because that’s the reaction she’s looking for – you’re her victim and you have to put yourself on Put on your big girl and challenge her or it will escalate until it becomes unbearable.”

However, some people suggested that the sister-in-law may be trying to freeze the woman because of ‘inheritance’.

One person said: ‘You have done nothing wrong but if you are frozen now it means dh will be frozen from any inheritance in the future.

“I think she’s thinking long term and the fact that you’ve heard different reasons why you’ve been excluded means that none of those reasons apply and the reason is something completely different.

“A reason she can’t say because it’s so obviously untrue or just so ridiculous or awful that it would make her look unhinged.”

Others suggested that perhaps the sister-in-law became jealous because the woman called her mother-in-law’s house so often.

One person said: ‘From your first post it sounds like SIL feels like you visit MIL too often, or are there too much when SHE is there. It sounds like she wants MIL all to herself.

‘You work at FT, I think?, so your visiting hours will be much more limited than hers, but could you try calling in when she’s NOT there?

“I would suggest just being polite, doing your very best to avoid passive-aggressive responses (basically turning the other cheek), and not responding to her with anything other than a neutral response. It will drive her crazy and she will show herself sooner or later.

“Not a great situation for you, I hope it resolves, otherwise you’ll at least see less of SIL.”

Another agreed: ‘Is it something to do with the kids? Are yours reaching milestones faster? Better behaved? Whatever it is, she doesn’t want to say it because it’s ridiculous, probably based on jealousy.’